Rules of Engagement

BSGAdult Round Robin (1999)

Part 1/?

From: Rita G.M.

Summary: Athena and Cass get tired of waiting for Starbuck to make up his mind and take matters into their own hands.

FYI: The title is a double-entendre in itself. Rules of engagement are generally agreed upon restrictions and limitations during a war (like the Geneva Convention). They include things like no shooting of unarmed civilians, no cruel and unusual punishments, no torture. But in this case, the rules of engagement are also the rules by which Starbuck's future mate will be chosen - the rules that determine who he will become engaged to.

Archive: Yes, please.
Rating: PG

"What about Aurora?" Cass asked, arching an eyebrow.

"Well, you can't count her. I thought she'd died in the Destruction. If you count her, you've gotta count Cain for yourself," Starbuck parried smugly.

Cass growled and went for the jugular. "What about Athena?"

"Yes, what about Athena?" The attractive brunette in question asked, coming up behind them with her food tray. "Mind if I join you?"

"Why no, not at all," Cass said, smiling sweetly. "We were just

discussing faithfulness."

"With Starbuck?" Athena asked. "Don't make me choke!" She put down her tray and sat.

"Well, it is a bit of a stretch," Cass agreed.

"No, really, it's not. Those other ... ladies you mentioned, Cass, they were all aberrations," Starbuck stammered.

"Aberrations?" Athena asked.

"Yeah, you know, the exceptions that prove the rule."

"*All* of them?" Cass demanded.

Before Starbuck could answer, Athena turned to Cass and asked, "How many did you come up with?"

Cass said, "Counting Aurora and you?"

Athena said, "Well, *I* would count Aurora and you, so why not?"

Cass thought a moment. "Fifteen."

"Cass!" Starbuck tried to be righteously indignant, but was ignored.

"Is that all?"

"Athena!" Starbuck tried again, but Cass spoke over him.

"Well, remember, I've only been one of Starbuck's conquests for two yahrens now."

"True. But Apollo told me Boxey came up with eight names off the top of his head when you were with Cain last yahren. Still, my count would naturally be higher than yours. Maybe I should stick to women I know are still alive and give him the benefit of the doubt."

"Why?" Cass asked, truly puzzled.

"Now that's a good question." Both women turned their eyes on Starbuck, who squirmed in his seat. "Why *should* we give you the benefit of the doubt, Starbuck?"

"I, uh, well ..." Starbuck wished for an immediate Cylon raid - right in the Officers Club.

"Hey, Bucko! Game's starting in the Ready Room. You coming?" Boomer called from the doorway.

"Sorry, ladies," Starbuck apologized. "Previous commitment. Gotta run." And he did - literally.

"We should add 'the game' to the list of our competition," Cass remarked dryly.

"The game, gambling on the Rising Star, the viper, the Cylons, Apollo, the list is endless," Athena agreed. "We may vie for top of the list of *women*, but I sometimes wonder if women would even make Starbuck's top ten if it weren't for the importance he places on his reputation."

"Too true," Cass said. "I think your brother would top any list. Good thing Starbuck values his reputation."

Athena looked thoughtful. "Yeah, you're right. And good thing I've only got one brother left or we'd be bumped even further down the list." She brightened. "But, lucky for us, Apollo is very keen on appearances - son of the Commander of the Fleet and all that - and Starbuck would *die* if his reputation as a conqueror of all things feminine suffered." She smiled evilly. "And now that Apollo's done mourning Serina and begun courting Sheba, we should assist his best friend in making his commitment, don't you think?"

"Oh, absolutely, Athena, we could do no less as devoted Starbuck conquests." Cass's grin was, if anything, even more villainous than Athena's. "But we have to have some rules." At Athena's arch look, Cass became insistent. "Seriously, if we're playing for keeps, we have to play fair. And whoever loses has to truly give him up."

"You're right," Athena agreed. "So let's see: first, we have to ensure that it's just the two of us in the running."

"Next, we have to decide how a winner will be declared."

"And finally, we have to agree on what's off limits."

"I think the last will be the easiest: no one, including Starbuck, can be permanently damaged; we can't do anything that interrupts or interferes with the running of the fleet; we call a halt during battles with the Cylons; what else?"

Athena had been nodding agreement. "That all sounds good. How about we work together to eliminate competition and neither one of us enlists the competition?"

"Yeah, that's tempting to do, but I think you're right. A little gossip coming from Life Center ought to decrease Starbuck's popularity in certain quarters."

"Ooh, you're evil, Cass!" Athena giggled. "I can get Jenny to keep Boomer occupied - well occupied. I've been meaning to play matchmaker with those two for awhile. And a discreet word to Tigh will curtail Starbuck's visits to the Rising Star. He might be willing to temporarily interfere with the warriors' Ready Room games, too. He's been looking for proof short of spying on them himself. I'm pretty sure he'd take an anonymous tip."

"*I'm* evil?" Cass marveled. "You, my dear, are in first place on that count." She changed the subject. "What about Apollo?"

"Hmm. Well, I could make myself unavailable to baby-sit Boxey," Athena began. "And I could suggest to Father that he really needs to spend more time with Apollo."

"Good start!" Cass applauded. "And if Sheba expressed a sudden interest in doing things with Apollo *and* Boxey as a family - picnics, trips to the agroship ..."

"Apollo would invite Starbuck to join us," Sheba finished for her, startling both women. She sat down at Cass's gesture and lowered her voice. "I don't know why you're trying to keep Apollo away from Starbuck, but I can tell you it won't work. Don't you think I've tried?" She shook her head ruefully. "When I outright complained to Apollo about the lack of privacy, he went into his 'poor orphan Starbuck who never had a family' routine and told me, for the *fifth* time, how Starbuck became almost suicidal when he and Serina decided to get sealed."

"That settles it, then!" Athena declared.

"*What* settles *what*?" Cass asked, confused.

"We have an easy way to declare the winner."

"We do?"

"Sure," Athena said happily. "The winner is the one who can get Starbuck to turn down an invitation from Apollo to go gambling on the Rising Star in order to spend time with her."

"Or to miss an appointment with Apollo that they already had planned?" Cass suggested.

"Fair enough," Athena agreed.

"So that's what you're up to!" Sheba said. "I'll do what I can to keep Apollo occupied, but short of kidnaping Starbuck - and if we kidnap Apollo, Starbuck would abandon both of you completely until he found him,

so don't even go there - short of kidnaping Starbuck, I don't think either one of you will win. Good luck to both of you though. If either one of you wins Starbuck, it's gotta help me with Apollo!" Laughing, Sheba rose and left the table.

End Part 1
To Part 2