Title: Pieces Author: Athena13 (athena13@geocities.com) Rating: PG-13 Classification: A, MSR Spoilers: The End, Lazarus Archiving: With permission only Summary: Every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end* Disclaimer: The X-Files and its characters are owned by the FOX network. No money is being made from this story and no infringement is intended. * The summary is a line from Semisonic's "Closing Time." ~~~~~~ Scully could hear and feel his heartbeat against her ear, and it was the only thing of which she was aware. It was the only thing she wanted to be aware of, otherwise she might be forced to acknowledge that it was all gone. Everything. Gone. Everything she had been living for, everything she had done, everything she had worked so damn hard for and sacrificed for over the past six years. Melissa, Emily, Gibson Praise, her fertility, her health, a normal life - all sacrificed for nothing. And all the clues to bring justice for all the martyrs was gone. All of it lay in ashes and water around their feet. And Mulder. Everything that bound her and Mulder together was gone as well. She held onto him now, physically because she knew it might be her last chance to do so. And because Diana Fowley, if she lived, would be right there to pick up all his pieces and rebuild it all with him again. If that woman hadn't been shot and lying in a hospital bed, she might suspect her of complicity in this destruction. Agent Fowley, Diana, was with him when the X-Files became Mulder's cause and returns when everything needs rebuilding again. She would have been ready, willing and able to step in the void Scully's reassignment would create. And Scully knew the next move would be her assignment, far away from Fox Mulder. Holding him now, what was left of him, was the only thing she had to hold onto. "Mulder, Scully," Assistant Director Skinner said quietly from behind them. She felt Mulder's hands reach up and clasp her elbows. She held her breath waiting for him to push her away, in fact surprised that he hadn't done so already. And she didn't know what would happen to her when she finally lost that last connection to him. Mulder didn't push her away, however, instead he squeezed her elbows and pulled her flush against him. Scully's breath caught in her throat as she realized he had pulled her closer rather than pushing her away. Still, she couldn't bring herself to look him in the eyes. She knew what would be there when she looked, or rather, what wouldn't be. All the things that had helped her get through the trials and tribulations of their years together would be dimmed. His hopes and beliefs burned along with those files. And what would he see in hers? Desperation? Fear? Longing? "There's nothing you can do here, go home. I'll call you," Skinner continued speaking to them in a low tone that none of the agents hovering outside their office could hear. "I want to see if there's anything salvageable," Scully heard Mulder resist the order to leave the files behind. "Everything's still too hot, there's nothing you can do tonight," Skinner warned. 'The files!' a voice in Scully's head cried. Scully pulled away from Mulder, all thoughts about losing him lost in her last second hope that perhaps not everything was destroyed. Samantha's file, Melissa's file, Emily's file, Jack's file, her file they were all in there. Maybe there was something they could salvage, something they could use to move forward, together. "Oh God," she cried as she slid over the wet floor to the cabinets. "Scully, don't," Mulder cried out as he rushed after her, his earlier stillness gone in the face of her panic. She ignored his warning and began to pull out the drawer that housed the "S" files, oblivious to the handles burning into her hands. The metal had been warped by the heat and she struggled frantically to pull it open. When she succeeded, what she saw broke off a piece of her heart. Burnt and wet files. Ashes. All of it. All the evidence they hadn't hidden at the Gunman's lair was in ruins. And with it their means to seek justice for those they loved and those they never even knew. It had been deliberately destroyed, burned by the fire Mulder was so afraid of. "Scully, Scully," she heard Mulder calling to her as she just kneeled there and stared. She could feel him trying to pull her away, but his voice sounded as if he was already far away. "Agent Scully," Skinner's voice commanded her to turn around. "Sir," she automatically responded to the call of duty. "Go home Agent Scully. Mulder, take her out of here, and have her hands checked out," he told them gently and left the room. "Let me see your hands Scully," Mulder reached for her. "No!" she quickly stood and walked past him. She walked out and headed towards the car, not even bothering to confirm if he was following. Her earlier fear of their imminent separation had been sublimated to her need to leave the destruction behind and her need to be the one doing the walking away. She reached the car and dug into her pocket to get her car keys, it was then she realized that she had indeed burned her hands. She hissed at the pain and held out her palms and saw that they had the angry imprint of the file drawer handles on them. 'Luckily there's no blistering,' she instinctively diagnosed. "Some doctor I am," she mumbled to herself with the trace of an ironic smile on her face. Usually it was her partner who did the impulsive things that resulted in injury. Then she remembered "soon to be ex- partner" was a more accurate appellation. She closed her eyes against the pain in her chest and leaned against the car. "Scully? Are you all right?" Mulder asked from behind her. 'Mulder,' Scully gasped to herself. "No, not really. For one thing I did burn my hands," she said with uncharacteristic candor. "Please, let me see?" Mulder asked gently, placing his hand on her shoulder. Scully turned around and held out her hands. "It's not bad, they had already been mostly cooled when I, uh, grabbed them," she brushed over her momentary breakdown. "Let me drive," Mulder stroked her palms with his thumbs. Scully shook her head. "Let me revel in this pain for a while. I'll drive," Scully gingerly took her keys out of her pocket and unlocked the doors. Mulder stood, undecided for a minute, before his shoulders slumped and he went to the other side of the car. Scully started the car and remained silent for a moment before she reached out and turned on the radio. "Do you want me to drop you at home?" she asked in a flat voice. "Aren't you coming back to my place?" Mulder looked at her in surprise. Scully just shook her head and changed the radio stations, looking for something loud enough to drown out the cacophony of voices in her head. There was only one place she could bear to be tonight and it wasn't Mulder's dark apartment. Or her lonely one. "Scully?" Mulder asked in a tight voice. "No, I can't be there tonight Mulder," Scully felt delayed tears fill her eyes. This might be their last week or month as partners and she didn't want to spend it skulking in his apartment as they had already done all day. Tonight she needed to get away and be somewhere comfortable. At the same time she knew she couldn't leave Mulder alone right now. Nor did she want to. While he seemed to be functioning better than she was she knew it was only in the face of her pain and that once he was alone he would sink back into depression and anger. Then he would either become lost to himself or do something rash and dangerous. "There's somewhere I want to be. Will you come?" she looked at him and asked. Scully felt her heart skip a beat at the unprecedented invitation. She had never taken anyone to this place, and she was pretty sure that Mulder either didn't even know about it or had exercised great restraint in not disturbing her the rare times she went there. It was the place she ran to when the fears or the pressure became to much for her to sublimate. Tonight, it might all be ending and if that wasn't too much to sublimate, she didn't know what was. Perhaps Mulder would find the same sanctuary she found there? Perhaps they would find sanctuary together? "Yeah," Mulder answered and turned back towards the window, letting her take control. ~~~~~~~~ They had been driving through the darkness for almost half an hour when Scully pulled out her cell phone and dialed. "Hi Will, it's Day....yeah...double it. And throw in some Citron and three bottles of Grigio. And some Cranberry, sugar free....yeah, very rough. I'll be there in half an hour? Okay, thanks," she hung up after her cryptic conversation. Mulder still appeared to be enthralled by the passing scenery and didn't seem to hear her conversation. 'This might be worse than I thought,' she sighed to herself as she continued driving towards sanctuary. ~~~~~ Half an hour later she brought the car to a stop in front of a small grocery store. "I'll be right back," Scully turned to her still silent partner. He didn't respond. She sighed and headed into the store. "Day!" a young man came rushing out of the back room. "Damn, it's been a while since you've been around. How have you been?" he threw his arms around her and pulled her into his embrace. "Shit Jake, are you trying to crush me?" Scully said from somewhere in his arms. Her head only reached his shoulder. "Nah, you wouldn't let me," he teased as he let her go. "You look wonderful as always. And a bit disheveled, you okay?" "It's been a bitch of a week actually," Scully shook her head with a rueful smile on her face. "That would explain the alcohol. Dad's just finishing the packing. He threw in some extra treats this time," Jake winked as he looked out the store window, obviously trying to get a glimpse at the reason she had doubled her grocery order. "Just my work partner Jake," Scully smiled. "So I'm still in the running?" he winked. "I'll go get the boxes." He turned and walked to the back room. "So who's that?" a voice from behind startled her. "Mulder!" Scully whirled around and found her partner looking at her questioningly. "I didn't even hear you come in," she obviously avoided his question. Mulder shrugged and looked around. "Here you go Dana," an older man carried a large box filled with bags and bottles of wine out of the back room. "Thanks Will, let me take that," Scully reached her arms out to take the box. "What the hell happened to your hands?" Will put the box down and grabbed her hands. "And you a doctor," he shook his head as he pulled her to the back room. "Is that your friend?" he glanced at Mulder. Scully turned her head and saw Mulder staring blankly at them. She could see him trying to put the pieces together and figure out what was going on. "That's Mulder, my partner." "Come with us and help me make sure she takes care of these hands," Will turned around and waited for Mulder to follow as he now pushed Scully towards the back room." "Jake get the burn cream and gauze. You young lady sit down here and don't argue with me," Will took command of the situation. "You running around like this," he shook his head again in disappointment. Scully actually felt a shamed flush cross her face. Mulder looked mildly amused at her reaction. Will took the burn cream from his son and began to spread it over Scully's now cleaned wounds. As he wrapped the gauze around her palms he looked up at his "patient." "You take care of these okay?" he commanded more than asked. Scully smiled and nodded. "Yes, Sir." "It's been a long time since anyone's called me that," Will chuckled. "Mulder, you want to take the box and put it in the car. This one will most certainly disregard orders and insist on being a feminist." "He must know you well Scully," Mulder said as he left the room. "So, that's Mulder," Jake said from his position against the wall. "Yeah," Scully looked down at her bandaged hands. The events of the past week suddenly catching up with her with a flood of emotions. She hadn't allowed anyone to take care of her like this in so long. The feelings of security and safety seemed more paranormal than anything she had run across in her work. "You look done in. Get going and don't be a stranger Agent Scully," Will helped her rise from her seat and began to walk her to the car. "See she takes care of those hands Agent Mulder," Will told the man who was standing hesitantly by the car. "I'm driving," she told her partner before turning back to her old friend. "Don't berate me. He has no idea where we're going and I need the feel of the road tonight. The hands will be fine thanks to you," she leaned closer and gave him a hug. "I'll speak to you in a couple of days. Tell Jake I said goodbye." Scully turned away and got into her car. She watched until the old man entered his store before starting the car. "Where are we going Scully?" Mulder asked again, although he didn't seem to care about the answer. "Somewhere to pick up the pieces," was her short response. ~~~~~ Half an hour later they pulled up in front of a beach house. The smell of the ocean wafted through the air and Scully breathed deeply as she opened the trunk. Before she could take the box Mulder was there. "Let me," he picked of the box and let her close the trunk. Scully took a deep breath of the sea air and began to lead him up the path to the house. The house was built in the modern style, all glass and wood and sharp angles. Scully took out a second key ring and opened the door and turned on the lights. Without pausing she led Mulder into the kitchen. Despite the modern design of the house, the kitchen seemed comfortable and warm. There were brass pots glinting in the moonlight streaming in the skylights in the slanted roof. Scully turned on the lights and began to put the food away into the restaurant style refrigerator. "What is this place Scully?" Mulder began to take the items out of her hands and put them away for her, obviously taking Will's admonition to heart. Scully leaned back on the counter and looked up at the moon and stars. "This is my sanctuary." "But whose house is this?" Mulder finished putting things away and turned to watch her run her hands over the tiled counter in front of her. "Mine," she shrugged and began to take off her ruined coat in distaste. Then she looked at her partner and took pity on him. "It's mine, Jack Willis left me this house." Mulder's eyes widened. He obviously hadn't known about it and was shocked that she had kept this place secret for so many years. Jack had died a year and a half into their partnership. In what became yet another X-File. Another file undoubtedly lying in ruin back in D.C. 'You're not the only one with secrets Mulder,' she thought remembering Diana Fowley's sudden appearance, all guilt at her secret disappearing. "I don't come here often, just when I need to think and be alone." Mulder didn't respond, he just shrugged and looked away. 'And suddenly uncomfortable strangers,' she thought as she watched him turn away from her physically. His shoulders drooped with exhaustion and a lack of spirit. She felt another piece of her heart crumble at the sight. She was unable, however, to reach out for him. What would she do then? Mulder took a deep breath and turned back around. He pierced her with his gaze, forcing her to look at him. Scully could see the confusion and anger in his eyes but knew it wasn't solely directed at her. The foundations of their world had shifted dramatically in the past weeks. They were both shell-shocked and uncertain. Any other time this new disclosure about Agent Scully's secret life would have intrigued him, or at least hurt less. Scully stood watching him for a few minutes when it occurred to her what she had unintentionally done tonight. While Mulder would never tell her, he was hurt by her lie by omission. She had never told him about this house and had used it to escape from him. At least in his interpretation. He wouldn't be accusatory about this apparent lack of trust, however, not when he was guilty of holding things close to the vest himself. Scully couldn't deny that perhaps he had a point. Weren't most of the things she came her to escape at least in part related to him and their work together? Wasn't she herself hurt by his lack of disclosure about Diana? Both for the past six years, but especially since she returned. Hadn't she wished countless times over the years that he would open up more to her and not run off and leave her behind. There was nothing she could say to erase the past, but maybe she could bring them on a new path? Or was it all just too late now that the X-Files were destroyed and they were facing imminent separation and reassignment? "Let's get cleaned up," was all she could say as she gently put her hand on his arm and began to lead his unresisting body out of the kitchen and up the stairs. "Why don't you take a shower?" she led him to a large bathroom and began taking towels out of a cupboard. "I'll go get our emergency overnight bags out of the car." Mulder just nodded, his eyes closed and his body listless. Scully could see him slipping back into the statue he had been back in their destroyed office. She walked over to him and sat him down on the closed toilet and began to take off his shoes. "Mulder," she called to him quietly. At her words his eyes opened and he focused on her, silently watching her ministrations as she began to undress him. "You need to get cleaned up," she told him in her impassive doctor's voice. Inside she wasn't so calm. She had gathered her doctor facade around her but couldn't make it take inside her head. As she stood and pulled his shirt over her head she couldn't pretend to herself that she was looking him as a patient. It took all of her willpower not to reach down and run her fingers over his chest. Her fingers were shaking as she began to unbutton his jeans. She was ironically grateful that he was too out of it to notice the crack in her armor. Mulder silently lifted his hips cooperatively and let her strip them off his body. She tossed them aside and turned to switch on the shower. She used the minutes it took for the water to warm up to gather her strength before turning back around to face him. Mulder was still sitting in his underwear. He obviously wasn't going to be of any help and she couldn't just put him in the shower when he wasn't fully undressed. It would just seem strange and unkind. It wasn't like she hadn't seen his naked body before. She walked towards him and kneeled again, preparing to finish undressing him. He was looking beyond her towards the wall, not seeming to notice her intentions, but when her hands began to pull down his underwear she felt him firmly grasp her wrists. She looked up, startled, and found his eyes staring into hers. Gone was the confusion and fear that had been there since Fowley had shown up. Gone was the devastation and impassiveness that had been there since he had seen the destruction of his life's work. She wasn't sure she had ever seen this look in his eyes before. And it frightened her. She pulled her hands away and almost fell back at the sudden movement. She was frozen. Once again this week, she didn't seem to be in control of her own actions or emotions. "Your hands," Mulder's rough voice interrupted her self-introspection. "You're hurting your hands." Scully felt tears come to her eyes as shook her head. "They're fine," assured him. God, even in his despair he was able to think about her pain and injuries. She felt her heart clench in her chest at the realization. He wasn't slipping away from her as she had expected. Now, she didn't know what to expect. Mulder chuckled. "You're always fine Scully and it's always bullshit." Now Scully fell on her ass. He was laughing?! Mulder ignored her reaction to his words and stood up and began to finish what she had started, uncaring that she lay there watching him. Scully could only stare at him as he carelessly began to pull down his underwear and tossed them onto the pile of his other clothes. He smirked in satisfaction as he made his target and then he looked down at her again. Scully knew in the back of her mind that she should pick herself off the floor and leave, running, from the bathroom and leave Mulder to his shower. Her body, however, wouldn't comply as she lay sprawled on the cold tile. Her gaze was transfixed on her partner's uncharacteristic behavior. And his naked body. They remained in their juxtaposition for what seemed an endless time. A smile of wicked pleasure spread across his face as his penis began to grow and harden as he watched his partner watch him. The fascination that she struggled and failed to hide seeming to only excite him more. Scully felt a flush spread across her face. The answering arousal between her legs not allowing her to pretend, to herself, that the heat in her cheeks was caused solely be embarrassment. Then Mulder took a step towards her. Suddenly jarred into action she quickly stood up and averted her gaze. "You seem to be able to make it into the shower yourself, I'll go get the bags," she babbled as she headed for the door and the safety promised on the other side. "Scully," Mulder's voice stilled her actions. "Yeah Mulder," she said raggedly, her breathing had suddenly speeded up. "Don't be long," he said silkily. She rushed out and slammed the door behind her. ~~~~~~ Scully felt her heart pounding as she continued her cowardly retreat to the car. She couldn't push away the image of Mulder's arousal away. _That_ was something she had never seen before and something she never thought she would see. Following on the heels of the realization was anger. Fury. Rage. 'How dare he!' She refused to believe that it was desire for her that had caused his body's actions. 'Maybe he was thinking of Diana,' she thought sneeringly as she grabbed the bags out of the car and reveling in pain it caused her burnt palms as she stalked back into the house. She dropped the bags and slammed the front door closed and locked it. She took a few deep breaths, trying to calm her turmoil before turning around. Perhaps she had made a mistake in bringing Mulder here. The conflict and angst of their daily lives was always something she was able to push behind her when she came here. Now, even though he had only inhabited two rooms of the house, every corner was now invaded by him and all that he was. For the first time she could see the chaos they combated together looming in the shadows. She turned on the lights in the foyer and the living room in an attempt dispel the shadows. She then quickly opened the blinds that covered the doors to the deck and the beach below. She slid open the doors and walked towards the railing. She leaned against the railing and allowed the comforting and uncaring waves of the ocean and the wind soothe her nerves. As always, Ahab's sea brought calm to her inner turbulence. Perhaps this evening was salvageable, she thought as she went back inside and began to light a fire in the fireplace. Once done she looked down at her own dirty clothes and screwed her face in disgust as she smelt the scent of fire and destruction emanating from her clothes. She rose, savoring the calmness that had pervaded her body, and headed towards the master suite for her own shower. She only took her bag, refusing to subject her hard-won peace to the turbulence and rage her partner was trying to lash at her with. ~~~~~~~ Scully turned on the lights and tossed her bag on the king size bed and looked around. There were windows on the vaulted ceilings above the bed, a fireplace whose mantle was covered with pictures of her friends and family. She walked over and picked up the picture of her and Jack Willis. It had been taken the week after her Academy graduation at this very house. She smiled wistfully as she traced his image. He had been a good man and he had been so patient with his young and vibrant lover. Scully chuckled as she looked at herself, at Dana. Her hair had still been well past her shoulders and was blowing in the wind, but it was the joy and naivete on her face that struck home. She hadn't looked like that since the first months on the X-Files. Somewhere along the way she had lost the ability to be so carefree and happy. After her return from her three months gone she worked so damn hard to find that part of her soul again. Then came one blow after another. Just when she thought she had found that joi de vie again something would slam her back and remind her not to be so secure. The women in Allentown, the MJ Files, Krycek, New Mexico, Melissa, Cancer and then Emily. Then Gibson, Diana and now this. The destruction of the path to justice and answers. She closed her eyes against the returning turmoil and pushed it back. After a few moments she opened her eyes and put the picture back on the mantle and turned away. She wasn't quite ready to figure out how she would move herself forward, but demanded the luxury of not having to think about it tonight. If Mulder would let her. That was why she came here after all. Somehow, she declared to herself, she would force Mulder to do the same, for at least one night. She snapped on the radio, letting the soothing tones of the music wash over her as she began to undress. She tossed her ruined clothing into the hamper in the walk-in closet before heading into the adjoining bathroom to start her bath. She turned the faucet in the sunken whirlpool tub on full blast and began pouring in capfuls of bath foam as the hot water began to steam up the bathroom. Heedless of her nakedness she walked back into the master bedroom and began to gather the candles she had spread around the room. She turned off the water and set the candles around the large bathroom. 'Wine,' she thought longingly. She quickly tossed on her short blue robe and headed downstairs to get a chilled bottle from the kitchen. She went down the back stairs at the back of the house, wanting to avoid passing anywhere Mulder might be. She realized her failure the moment her foot hit the bottom step. Through the breakfast room she saw Mulder sitting at the kitchen table. She couldn't tell how undressed he was as the lower half of his body was hidden by the cabinet island, but he definitely wasn't wearing a shirt. Water was dripping from his hair down his shoulders and chest. 'Shit,' she looked down and realized how uncovered she was. She refused, however, to be cowed in her own house. "Thanks for bringing in my bag," Mulder said when he spotted her, not mentioning the fact that she had left it downstairs by the front door. Scully didn't answer him as she pulled a bottle of pinot grigio out of the freezer. She scooped up a glass and the bottle opener before turning to face him. "I'm going to take a bath and relax. Feel free to get something to eat or take a look around the house or whatever. Just do me one favor?" "What favor Scully," Mulder asked as he put his hands behind his head and leaned back in his chair. Scully's gaze was drawn down his body, her curiosity getting the better of her. She saw her partner's smug grin out of the corner of her eyes as he noticed where her gaze was drawn. To her relief she did discover that he had put something on, his Quantico sweat pants to be exact. She casually brought her eyes up and raised her eyebrows. "What favor Scully?" he repeated. "Don't do this," she asked quietly. "Do what? What exactly am I doing that you object to?" he dropped his hands and pushed himself back from the table. "Don't use me as your whipping post," Scully clarified. "Is that what you think I'm doing?" he asked in a tone that only seemed to seek her response. "Isn't it?" she countered. Mulder shook his head as he stood up and walked around the table towards her. "No Scully, that's not what I'm doing. That's not what I was doing in that bathroom Scully." "It's understandable. You've been through a lot this week. You've lost a lot tonight. It's understandable you need to project your emotions somewhere, I'm just asking you not to throw them at me," Scully explained. She sounded lame even to herself. "You don't understand. You don't understand at all," Mulder said angrily as he stopped in front of her. "It has been a rough week. It has been an unfathomable loss tonight Scully. But you're wrong if you think I'm lashing out at you. I'm sorry if it seems that way to you. Hell, I'm sorry that you refuse to see anything except what you want to see." He was frustrated and ran his hand through his wet hair. Scully felt her mouth go dry. He was trying to make excuses, he just couldn't view his own behavior clearly, she insisted as she felt herself begin to shake slightly. She didn't have the emotional reserves to handle whatever it was he way trying to say this right now. And, dammit, her bath was getting cold as she tried to get through the thick head of his. "Sure, fine, whatever. My bath is getting cold. We can talk about this later, or tomorrow," she moved back and started to turn away. Before she could walk away from him he took grabbed the items from her arms and put them down on the counter. "No. I'm tired of waiting Scully. Let's just finish this now. Then you can go warm up your bath and relax." Scully felt the adrenaline shoot through her veins. Whether it was caused by fear, anger or desire she didn't care. It was something she could use to put him back on his side of their well-established safety line. And she needed that distance more than ever right then. "How selfish can you be?" she hissed at him. "You aren't the only one who has suffered a loss tonight. Am I not allowed to grieve, must it always be about you?" "No Scully," he answered her in a calm voice. "You are the one who always makes it about me. You are the one who never lets anything be about you. You're always fine, remember." It was then Scully caught her mistake. She should have acted calm and rational and not responded with such emotion. She had handed him the control. "You're not fine Scully and neither am I. For the first damn time we're not fine at the same time and we've both admitted it. I won't let you hide and gather the strength to push me away from you. And I can't gather the strength to push you away. Not now. Not tonight," Mulder said as he cupped her face in his palms. "I've lost the X- Files. We've lost the X-Files," he amended quickly. "If we turn away from each other now we'll lose each other too and I can't lose you Scully, I can't," he finished brokenly as tears clogged his throat and seeped out of his eyes. Scully looked at her partner. His anguish was breaking her heart, but she knew better than to accept his words at face value, no matter how much she might want to. He was feeling lost and confused and he was latching on to the only thing left - her. His partner. She forced herself to remain calm and not turn her gaze away. But God help her, she couldn't remain in the same room as him and not drown in him. "Mulder, you're not acting like yourself. I'm sure if you get some rest you'll see things differently in the morning. I'm going to go get my bath now," she grabbed her things from the counter and rushed back upstairs. "Dammit Scully," he called after her. Once in the master suite she locked the door before slowing down her pace. She felt her heart pounding as she reentered the bathroom and went about opening the bottle and pouring herself a much-needed glass of wine. Her hand shook as she gulped down half the glass. Then she slammed it down and turned to put some more hot water into her cooled bath. Nothing was ever easy for her partner. He was either too little emotion or too much, he never traveled the median path. And it was all too much tonight. Her own emotions were too close to the surface and it wouldn't take much for her take him up on his implicit offer and have to face the inevitable regrets in the morning. And then everything would be destroyed. She had saved them, she insisted. He might be hurt and angry tonight by her rejection, but tomorrow or in a few days she was sure he would be grateful that one of them had managed to remain rational. She was certain of that. Or they would be separated and reassigned and she would never hear from him, like the last time. But she wouldn't be left with memories of a conversation, or more, and the pain and humiliation. Scully unwrapped her hands, dropped her silk robe onto the floor and slipped into the bath. She closed her eyes and let the hot water and wine ease the tension in her muscles. As Scarlett said, tomorrow was another day. ~~~~~~ Scully rolled over in bed and looked at the clock. 3 am. She still couldn't fall asleep. She stretched her arms over her head and decided to give up. Images of the past week refused to be put aside. As well as the images of her partner's behavior tonight. There was no way she was going to falls asleep tonight. She rose from the bed and padded over to the dresser and pulled out a bathing suit. She hadn't kept this beach house for nothing. Ahab's ocean would make her feel better, again. Once she was changed she grabbed a beach towel from the linen closet and headed downstairs. The fire in the living room was starting to wane. How she had hoped to take advantage of it tonight and just relax with Mulder and put everything behind them for one night, she remembered. Although now that she thought of it, maybe a fire wasn't the way to go, considering. She shook her head at her irrational behavior since she had gotten the phone call from Skinner about the fire. She put her towel on the chair in front of the fire and grabbed the poker and went about putting the embers out. It was then she realized she wasn't alone. She whirled around and tried to spot the intruder, the poker held tightly in her fist. It took a few seconds before she spotted him. Mulder. He was sitting in a chair hidden in the shadows not far from her fast asleep. He had obviously eschewed the guest room she had showed him earlier that night. Her face tightened as she remembered how cold and distant he had been to her offers of conciliation. She hadn't been surprised, merely hurt and frustrated. She quietly put the poker back in its stand and grabbed the afghan off the couch and went to cover him. His back wasn't going to be happy in the morning, but at least he'd have something else to concentrate on - other than making her life miserable. She imagined she would have to drive him back to Washington in the morning, she was sure he wouldn't consent to stay with her any longer. And she probably wouldn't return once she got home. At that thought she grabbed her towel and rushed out the back to the ocean. ~~~~~~~~~~ She dropped her towel on the sand and ran towards the tide. The roar and the motion of the ocean already fulfilling a deep-seated and too long ignored need in her soul. She felt the cold water slap her ankles and she continued to run until her entire body was immersed. She had been told often enough that swimming without someone else around was stupid. She knew very well that she could be sucked up by the undertow and drown. Especially at night on a deserted beach. She didn't care. Nor did she care about the sting of the salt water on her burnt palms. She moved closer to the shore, until she was only submerged to her waist and raised her hands to the heavens, closed her eyes and threw her head back. She appeared to be offering herself up for sacrifice which wasn't too far from the truth as thoughts of Melissa, Emily, Mulder's father and Mulder screamed from her pores. The slight breeze chilled her wet skin so she dived back under the water to warm up. The one expense she had never undertaken was a boat. How she would have loved to have just hopped on board and sailed into the horizon and never look back. Perhaps that's why she never got the boat. That and the expense. She let the water pour from her hair and down her back as she headed back to shore. It really was too chilly still to stay in for a prolonged period of time. Still, she knew she still wouldn't get any sleep. Rather than being tired she felt more enervated than she had in months and she decided to run to burn off the excess energy. The pounding sand under her feet blocked the thoughts from her mind. All she could afford to pay attention to was the breath burning in her lungs and her balance on the dark and slippery beach. It was some time later before she stopped, stumbled really. She leaned on her hands and knees and caught her breath. Despite the coldness caused by her wet bathing suit and wet hair she felt sweat drip down her face. She let her body relax and fell prone onto the sand, still trying to catch her breath. The adrenaline had left her body, leaving her tired and drained. Finally she might be able to get some sleep. 'On the beach, no less,' she laughed to herself. That was something she hadn't done since she was a child in San Diego. And despite the fact it was almost summer, Maryland certainly was no San Diego she realized as she began to shiver. 'Well, if I get a cold it will only make this week completely perfect,' she thought cynically as she tried to muster the energy to get up and return to the house. "Soon,' she thought tiredly. "Scully?" she thought she heard a voice calling on the wind. For a second she thought it was Ahab back to berate her for her foolish behavior. Then she heard the footsteps on the sand behind her. "Scully," Mulder kneeled down and covered her with her towel. "Are you all right?" Scully felt tears come to her eyes at the gentle concern in his voice. She was so tired. She really couldn't take this emotional roller coaster. She felt a tear slip out of her eyes and down her cheek. "You're crying," he observed in awe. "Are you hurt?" He began to run his hands down her limbs, looking for broken bones or other injury "Is it your hands?" Scully didn't have the energy to push him away like her mind demanded. Her body didn't seem to mind anyway. "Not hurt," she mumbled. "Tired." Mulder stopped his inventory of her bone structure and remained silent for a few moments. "You're also wet and cold. Come back to the house. You're going to make yourself sick." "Soon, need to rest," she mumbled into the sand as she felt another stray tear drip down her nose. 'Oh Lord, will this humiliating night ever end?' she wondered helplessly. "Come on," Mulder wrapped the towel around her body and rolled her over. When she didn't move he reached under her and lifted her into his arms. "I never took you for the damsel in distress type Scully," he joked as he carried her back to the house. "Me either Mulder," she said sleepily. "Although Missy and I used to drool over Rhett Butler," she admitted. "Never took you for the type," Mulder reiterated. "A girl?" Scully opened her eyes and looked up at him. "I walked into that one," Mulder nodded his head in acknowledgement. "Hardly valid in light of tonight though," he reminded of her their earlier encounters. "Speaking of walking, I can do that myself," Scully told him, suddenly uncomfortable in his arms. "No way, I may never get a chance to do this again. You're in my power and I'm not letting go," Mulder pulled her tighter and continued walking. "Mulder!" Scully said, incensed by his sentiment. "Come on Scully," Mulder gentled his tone. "I was just teasing. You're tired, it's late and I need to apologize for my behavior tonight. So let me." "No you don't," Scully slipped her arms around his neck and leaning her head against his chest. Her eyes slipped closed again as sleep began to descend over her once again. "Don't apologize or need to?" he asked under his breath. Scully felt Mulder carrying her up the stairs of the deck and shivered at the sudden warmth of the house stealing over her skin. ~~~~~~~~~~ "We need to get you out of that wet bathing suit," Mulder murmured as he carried her into her bedroom. He looked around and found a chair, not wanting to put her wet body on the bed. "Let me look at your hands," he pulled her palms and looked at the angry red welts. The salt water and sand certainly hadn't helped he surmised. He walked into the bathroom and found some burn cream, tape, a washcloth and gauze. Mulder took the wet washcloth and tenderly washed her wounds free of salt and sand. Then he squeezed the cream into his own hand and warmed it up before spreading it across her wounds. "That feels nice," she sighed, her eyes still closed. "You take good care of me when I let you. No gauze, it's annoying." Mulder chuckled at the candor she displayed in her unguarded state. "You're the doctor. Can you get yourself out of that suit Scully?" he asked her. "Yeah, yeah," mumbled and began to pull the straps over her shoulders. Mulder turned away and grabbed a dry towel out of the bathroom. "Dry off," he told her and turned to the fireplace to stoke the fire and chase away the chill of the room. He stared into the flames with a twisted smile. Fire. His biggest fear seemed to be the theme for the day. First the office, the fireplaces and Scully. He had been playing with fire all evening with Scully. Daring her to jump into the flames with him. Now she sat behind him, probably naked, and wet. Tonight he wasn't sure if her rationality and refusal to be impulsive was his saving grace or his curse. His old fears of losing her if they messed with their boundaries finding him again. He rose slowly and turned around. A brief smile played across his lips at the scene before him. Scully had indeed managed to strip off her bathing suit, but she hadn't gotten much further than that. She lay curled up in the chair under the towel. He stood watching her, looking at her, studying her. His thoughts of a moment ago disappearing as he was blessed with the sight of her creamy curves in the flickering firelight. She was so beautiful. And almost asleep. And in need of his assistance. He sighed and looked around until he spotted a large T-shirt on the bed that she had obviously taken off earlier. He picked up the shirt and turned back to his sleeping partner. 'Not partner for long,' he reminded himself, with a sinking feeling in his stomach. He kept his gaze glued to her face as he lifted her arms and pulled the shirt down over her head, being careful not to touch her skin more than absolutely necessary. "Hmm, Mulder," she stirred. "Scully, you need to put this shirt on," he told her in a tight voice. "Oh I can do that," her voice sounded childlike as she tossed away the towel and rose to pull the shirt down. Mulder turned away as she bared her body. Not that he wanted to. "Get into bed Scully and go back to sleep." "What about you Mulder," Scully asked him. Mulder turned around to look at her. She stood before him awake as she hadn't been seconds before. "What?" "I'm tired Mulder," she answered him through a yawn. "Yes, I want you to get into bed and go to sleep," Mulder said carefully. He wondered if she was talking in her sleep. "Are you going to sleep?," she aked. "Yeah Scully, I'm going to try," he ran his hand through his hair. A sudden chill caught him across his bare chest. "Where?" she asked. "Where?" he repeated dumbly. "Bed, Mulder, not chair or couch. Bed tonight, okay," she burrowed deeper into her pillows. "Okay, Scully," Mulder rubbed his shoulders to try and warm up as he played along with her sleepy ramblings. He didn't think he was going to get anymore sleep tonight. He watched the firelight play along her flame-colored hair for a few more seconds before turning away to leave. "Mulder," she called him again. Mulder slumped his head against the door frame and smiled. "Yeah Scully?" "You going to be okay tonight?" Scully sat up and looked at him. "I realized I never asked you that." Mulder walked over to the bed and sat down next to her. "I haven't exactly given you a chance." "That's true, but since when does that ever stop me," she smiled weakly at him. "I guess I just couldn't handle the mood swings tonight. They scare me Mulder," she admitted quietly. "I don't mean to scare you Scully. I would never hurt you," Mulder felt tears in his eyes. He never wanted to hurt or scare her. She was the only person who could ever deal with and now he was scaring her away. Scully grabbed his hand the best she could in her bandaged one. "I'm not afraid you're going to hurt me, I'm afraid you're going to hurt yourself. Usually I can ground you or at least figure out how to stay out of the line of fire. I don't seem able to do that tonight. I can't stop you from slipping away from me and doing something unexpected. I just want to know what you want from me, now, tomorrow, if there's even going to be a next day? We've lost the files Mulder, I don't want to lose you too," Scully's tears fell down her cheek. Mulder leaned down and brushed them away. "I'm sorry Scully. I have been selfish tonight. You've lost the Files too. I'm sorry," he whispered as tears began to fall down his own cheeks. "At least your desk didn't burn," he tried to lighten the mood, off balance by her unexpected recital. "Well, appropriately annoying but what I'm used to," Scully smiled through her tears, not hurt by his usual need to back away from emotional disclosures. Then he surprised her. "I don't want to lose you either Scully," he lay down next to her and gathered her into his arms. Scully wrapped her arms around his waist and squeezed him tight. He chuckled through his own tears as he felt her hands stroke his back. They were such pathetic wrecks. They couldn't lose each other, who else would have them? Look what it took for them to reach out to each other like this. Ten minutes later Mulder swallowed back his tears as he felt Scully begin to fall asleep against him. "Let's get you under the covers okay?" he whispered as he lifted her up and placed her on the pillows. He pulled the covers over her body and prepared to leave the room. "Mulder," Scully called out. "Mmm?" he turned back, his bare shoulders glowing in the light coming from the hallway. "Don't go." She had one beginning in this bed. That was over. Now she wanted, needed another. She had to muster the courage not to let the chance pass one more time. "Oh God Scully," he whispered. "Scully?" He felt his heart pounding, fighting its way out of his chest. He must be misinterpreting what she said. It had echoed too closely his own thoughts. It had to be wishful thinking. She must just have something else to tell him. "Stay with me tonight, please," she pleaded quietly, her eyes shining with fear as she reciprocated his openness of moments before. "I want to sleep in your arms." Without bothering to take the time to think Mulder was back at the bed in three strides. He lifted the covers and slid underneath. Scully rolled over and insinuated herself in his arms again. She breathed deeply of his scent. Ocean, sand and Mulder mingled in her nose and created a warm feeling throughout her body. "Mulder," Scully mumbled against his throat. He felt the movements of her lips and the caress of her breath on his skin and couldn't stop his body's reaction to the sensation. Mulder squirmed and tried to put some distance between them. Scully hindered his actions by putting her arms around his shoulders and pressing herself closer into his embrace. Pressing into his body. "Scully," he whispered, trying to warn her away. "What's wrong Mulder?" Scully asked in a suddenly-strengthened voice. "I think it's obvious," he grumbled in embarrassment as his erection strained against her. "Very." "Um, Scully," Mulder asked, feeling a flush spread across his cheeks in the dark. "Could you please...," he broke off uncertainly. "Do you want me Mulder?" Scully asked. "I think that's obvious Scully." "No," Scully leaned her head back to look at him. "Me, is it me you want or anyone?" "You Scully, you. Always you," he answered in a ragged voice as his hands began to stroke her back. "Don't you know that by now?" "Yes. I just wanted to know if you knew," she told him quietly. She didn't want them to pretend anymore, to each other or themselves. "I love you too Mulder," Scully answered the unspoken question in his eyes. "I always have." "Always Scully?" he whispered into her hair where he had put his face to try and control the effect her admission had on him. "Always Mulder," she affirmed and began to stroke his hair. She felt Mulder shudder against her and moved the hand that was stroking his hair down to hold the back of his neck, suddenly emboldened by his wordless reaction to her touch. "Even when you walked into my room and dropped your robe?" he asked in a roughened voice. "Even then Mulder, although if you tried anything I would have hurt. Worse than that beast woman," Scully admitted as she began to draw little circles on the bare skin of his chest. "What about tonight?" he asked. "Always Mulder, always," she answered and pulled his head towards her for a kiss. END http://www.geocities.com/Area51/Corridor/6439/