Title:  Frostbitten, twice shy
(from the archives of the Cutting Room Floor)
Author: Twin Goddess (Athena13@geocities.com)
Rating: NC-17
Classification: SBAR
Summary: Colonial Calgon, take me away!

Copyright 1999

Disclaimer: This is a fiction story based on the series Battlestar
Galactica and its characters created and owned by Glen A. Larson. 
This story is not being sold for profit and no infringement of any
copyright rights are intended. 

Feedback encouraged!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

        "I don't know Boomer," Starbuck shook his head as they walked 
down the corridor towards the barracks. "She just doesn't seem to have 
time for me anymore."

        "Well, you know that Med-Tech training is time consuming," 
Boomer tried to console his friend.

        "Yeah I know," Starbuck conceded, "and I'm proud of her, but I 
just wonder how much longer this training is going to take. And now 
she's talking about becoming a doctor which will take up a lot more of 
her time," he whined.

        "Give her a break Starbuck," Boomer chided. "She's trying to 
move forward with her life."

        They entered the pilots quarters as Starbuck mumbled, "I just 
wonder if she's trying to move forward without _me_."

        "Hey Jolly," Boomer greeted his fellow Blue Squadron mate who 
was currently laid out on his bunk.

        "Hey guys," he responded cheerfully. "Tired of freezing your 
tails off on that planet?"

        "You can say that again," Starbuck declared. "Although I 
could've stayed with those three gorgeous clones for another centar or 
so," he finished with a sly grin.

        Boomer rolled his eyes at the man who just moments before had 
been sulking about Cassi being too busy to spend time with him.

        "Well I was about ready to go the Officer's Club and get me a 
big tankard of grog," Jolly announced. "You guys care to join me?"

        Boomer and Starbuck exchanged glances, then turned and, almost 
in unison, replied, "Sure, sounds good."

        "First things first though," Starbuck declared as he opened his
locker. "I need the hottest turboshower I can get. I think my toes are
frozen!"

        As he took off his flight jacket and started to hang it up, 
Starbuck noticed a piece of paper with his name on it, folded and taped 
to the inside of his locker door. Curious, he slowly took it down, 
unfolded it and started to read.

**You're back from the planet
and chilled to the bone,
I've prepared a little something
to welcome you home.
A warm surprise is waiting for you,
look under your pillow to find the next clue.**

        "Jolly," Starbuck started tentatively. "How long have you been 
lying here?"

        "About a half-centar," he answered. "Why?"

        "Did you see anything uh... out of the ordinary?" While 
intrigued at the note itself, he couldn't help but wonder how it had 
gotten there without anybody seeing it's author, or deliverer.

        "Not at all," Jolly looked at Boomer, hoping that he might know 
what Starbuck was getting at.

        Boomer just shrugged at Jolly's silent inquisition as Starbuck 
walked over to his bunk and looked under the pillow.

        There indeed was another note... and a fumarello. Not just any
fumarello though. This was a Tauran fumarello, the finest in the
colonies. Only Quorum members and other dignitaries ever got these
babies. Starbuck had only gotten the opportunity to smoke one once
before when Sire Uri had given him one on Carillon prior to the medal
ceremony that never took place. Sure the Cylons ruined the party, but
Starbuck had never forgotten that fumarello.
        
        And here he had one again. He gently slipped it into his mouth,
allowing his tongue to taste and savor every bit of the leaf. The
sweetness of the tobacco made him moan with delight, causing raised
eyebrows from the other two warriors in the room. Starbuck was sure to
keep his back to them as the joy of this gift, and the thought of it's
provider, was giving him a hard-on. 'Where did she get this and why is
she giving it to me?' he wondered as he read the second note.

**A manly treat for a boyish face,
You'll enjoy it more in a warm, wet place.
Your viper is where you will find the next clue,
To a warrior's prize, a reward that is due.**

        Starbuck let out a deep breath. The writing was unmistakable, 
but he hadn't seen it in a while. He missed getting the little notes 
everyday that would only say things like, "Come home safe," and "Good 
luck," and "I love you". The smell of the fumarello was only rivaled by 
the scent on the note itself and he took the stick out of his mouth in
order to relish her sweet essence left behind on the paper. He closed
his eyes as the fragrance swept through his mind and he saw her blue
eyes twinkling at him.

        Starbuck smiled and, placing the fumarello back into his mouth 
and clutching the note, pranced back to his locker and grabbed his 
flight jacket. He was so entranced by the romantic riddle he was 
following that he had forgotten the other two men were in the room with 
him. Closing his locker door, he realized that both Boomer and Jolly 
were staring at him, blank and confused expressions on both their 
faces. Starbuck tried to hide his exuberance but couldn't force the 
giddy smile away.

        Knowing his friend all to well, Boomer stated more than 
inquired, "I assume that you won't be joining us in the Officer's 
Club?" 

        Starbuck placed a hand on Boomer's shoulder and cheerfully 
replied, "I don't think so.

        "But have a couple for me!" he chimed as he bolted out of the
barracks, leaving Boomer and Jolly shaking their heads and going on
about their business.

        Starbuck meanwhile was attracting some strange looks from those 
he passed on the way to the viper bay. He had an ear-to-ear grin and 
was greeting _everyone_ in the hallways, on the turbolift... he had a
recognizable bounce in his step that most in the know hadn't seen in a
while, certainly not since the Destruction.

        He entered the bay and spied his viper tech Jenny working on 
his ship. "I hope you're not planning on taking this thing out right 
now," she glanced up as he trotted over.

        "No, no," he replied as he jumped up on the wing. "Just need to 
uh...get something real quick."

        "Ah," she went back to her work, trying not to display the 
knowing grin that threatened to peek across her face.

        Starbuck nestled himself in the cockpit and did a quick scan. 
His smile widened as he found what he was looking for tucked just 
behind a corner of one of his favorite pictures. It was one from his 
natal day a few yahrens back. Athena had just been assigned to the 
Galactica and, while they hadn't been involved yet, he remembered how 
happy he had been that she was there for his party. He has been sitting 
at a table with a tall glass of Ambrosa and she had come up behind him,
thrown her arms around him and given him a kiss on the cheek. Luckily,
Zac had captured the moment forever and given the pic to Starbuck and
he had kept it in his viper ever since. That and a few other pics of
her.

        He let out a deep sigh and his face took on a more sullen 
expression. 

	  'What happened Athena? How did we get like this?' he wondered 
as his eyes passed over the pictures of happier times. He knew he was 
lucky that Cassi rarely stepped foot in the launch bays much less the 
vipers themselves. She wouldn't be too happy if she saw the pictures of
Athena he looked at everyday while on patrol. Luckily, Jenny was loyal
to Starbuck, as well as being a friend of Athena's, and would never
tell. And the rest of Blue Squadron knew better than to get involved,
especially Apollo who Starbuck was certain just pretended that the
pics weren't there.

        Of course, he had an excuse for why there were no pics of Cassi 
in his viper. He didn't have any. Besides, he was spending, or at least
trying to spend, his free time with Cassi now, and who he chose to
think about on patrol was his business. Even so, he knew that he would
be in some serious hot water if she were ever to look in the cockpit
of his viper. 

        "Hot water," he mumbled, still feeling the chill of the ice 
planet in his veins. Closing his eyes in expectation, he opened them 
again and begin reading the third clue on his journey.

**A glass of Ambrosa, a bubbly delight,
Things to relax you after the fight.
Take the next shuttle to the Rising Star,
To reap the rewards of the man that you are.
Go to the desk and ask Mateo for the key,
He'll tell you exactly where to find me.**

        Starbuck could barely contain himself as he leapt out of the 
cockpit. His quick motion caused the viper to bobble.
 
        "Hey!" Jenny exclaimed as she was knocked in the head by the 
open door to the engine.

        "Oh, sorry" Starbuck turned as he realized what he'd done. "You 
okay?"

        "Yeah," she got up, rubbing her head. "Where's the fire? Why 
are you in such a hurry?"

        "I uh... got someplace I gotta be," he opened his arms in a
nonchalant manner, backing away from the viper and turning towards the
lift. He wasn't sure when the last shuttle was going to the Rising
Star but he was certain that he couldn't miss it.

        Luckily, the shuttle bay wasn't far from the viper bay and he 
made it just in time. The mystery and anticipation made the ten centon 
trip feel like ten centars. He didn't know what to expect. He felt the 
pain of missing her even though he saw her everyday. They had barely 
spoken over the past few sectons and he wasn't sure why she was setting 
up what appeared to be a romantic interlude now. But he certainly 
wasn't going to pass it up. 

	  He needed warmth tonight. She was his warmth.

        The shuttle landed and, without a thought of the gambling 
tables, he headed straight towards the admissions desk and the man he 
needed to see. As he turned the corner and entered the main hall, his 
eyes widened as he saw the familiar face behind the counter that held 
this evening's final clue. 

        "Ah, Lieutenant Starbuck, so nice to see you again," greeted 
the thin, dark-haired man.

        "Always a pleasure to see you Mateo," Starbuck nodded. "And I 
hear you have something for me."

        "Yes I do," Mateo reached beneath the counter and pulled out an
envelope, a wry smile on his face. "Yes I do."

        Starbuck took the envelope and placed a few cubits on the 
counter. "You're a good man Mateo!"

        Placing a hand over the cubits, Mateo replied in a suggestive 
tone, "Enjoy your evening Lieutenant."

        "Oh I plan on it," Starbuck replied, tapping the corner of the
envelope on the counter and walking towards the turbolift. He assumed
he would be going to a private room and his suspicions were confirmed
as he opened the envelope, took out the room key and read the contents
of the last and final note.

**You now hold the key to a night of pleasure,
A relaxing evening, a memory you'll treasure.
A moment in time we can truly call ours,
To spend with each other, surrounded by stars.**

        Starbuck leaned back against the turbolift wall and took a deep
breath, the note fluttering to the floor. 

        "Oh Lords," he sighed, closing his eyes. He couldn't remember 
right then the last time Athena had planned a romantic evening for 
them, probably since before the Destruction he realized. His body was
reminding him just how long it had been. It was like a switch had
suddenly been thrown and light was coming back into his life.

        He wished the damn light would thaw his toes already.

        The turbolift finally stopped on the level he was seeking and 
he hurriedly stepped out of the lift and towards the room noted on the
key. He stuffed the envelope into his pocket as he neared and stood
staring at the door. She was inside. Waiting. With a trembling hand he
put the key into the slot and the door slid open.

        Starbuck stepped into the dark room trying to hurry his eyes 
into adjusting so that he could see what was waiting for him. Or more
specifically who. And what she was wearing. Or not.

        The room she had secured had two viewports and the lights of 
the passing stars and nearby ships shined into the room, providing its
only illumination. Still he couldn't find her.

        He walked in further and he detected the scent of water. 
Starbuck's face broke into a grin as he remembered the specific 
amenities that the rooms on this level had. One of his favorites being 
the large tub.

	  One of Athena's too he happened to know. 

	  His toes rubbed against his shoes in anticipation of the hot 
water.

        He slipped off his jacket and tossed it and the key on a nearby 
chair as he walked further into the room looking for his hostess. 
Suddenly from behind him he heard the low hiss of a match. Starbuck 
spun around searching for the source of the sound.

        He felt his pants tighten at the sight before him. And tears 
came to his eyes. How come he had forgotten how beautiful she was? Even 
with the holopics in his viper and seeing her almost every day, he 
hadn't realized.
 
        She was standing in the alcove on the other side of the room, 
her face and shoulders glowing in the candles she was lighting. Her 
black hair was flowing down her back and her fair skin was glowing.
Starbuck's breath caught in his throat as he watched her light one
candle after another around the perimeter of the small alcove room. As
she moved further away from him the rest of her body came into view.

        Starbuck reached up and began to unfasten his tunic as he stood
mesmerized. She was wearing a long flowing peignoir over a matching
gown. All in white silk flowing over her generous curves. He imagined,
despite the distance and the layers, that he could see the black curls
at the apex of her thighs. He licked his lips in anticipation.

        "Are you going to stand there all night?" Athena's melodious 
voice broke him from his reverie.
        
        "No way," Starbuck answered finally freeing his feet from the 
spot he had been frozen at.

        "Stop there," Athena commanded as he reached the couch outside 
the alcove door. From his vantage point he could see hot water filling 
the sunken tub. Enjoying the anticipation he stood silently as he 
watched her fill the steaming water with bubble soap, the candle light 
shining through her white layers and letting him catch glimpses of her 
body underneath. Shadows anyway.

        "Sit down, you must be tired," Athena said sympathetically as 
she approached him.

        Starbuck once again complied without question.

        Athena settled herself on the floor at his feet and looked up 
at him, her blue eyes shining in the refracted candlelight. "I am sure 
you must be tired and sore and hungry. Don't worry. I intend to take 
care of all of your needs tonight warrior."

        "All of my needs?" Starbuck asked in a raspy voice.

        "All of your needs," Athena repeated as she bent over and began 
to remove his boots.

	Starbuck closed his eyes and leaned back as Athena began to rub 
his toes, reviving the circulation and bringing heat to the 
extremities. He flexed his foot as she moved her massage to the rest of 
his feet. 

        Once the appendages were completely relaxed she moved closer 
and began to unfasten his pants. With a minimum of fuss she removed 
them and his undergarments from his tired body. He kept his eyes closed 
as he heard Athena chuckle and move closer to remove his tunic. 

        It was funny. There he was naked from the waist down being 
ministered to by an incredibly attractive woman, a fact confirmed by 
his very obvious arousal, and he was just laying there like a corpse! 
Still, he didn't move other than to lift his arms to help her remove 
his last article of clothing. 

        Once he was completely nude, Starbuck opened his eyes and 
looked at the blue eyes gazing at him in admiration. That was something 
else he had forgotten. How she could look at him and make him feel like 
the most gorgeous, special man in the world.

        Still he didn't move. Or speak.

        Athena stood up and reached out a hand which he took. She 
helped him rise from the couch and led him into the bathing alcove. 
Standing by the side of the tub he turned to face her and placed a hand 
on her cheek. They were surrounded by dancing lights and everything 
around them seemed to sparkle. As did the woman before him.
 
        He just watched her watching him.

        "You are so beautiful," she whispered in awe.

        Starbuck blushed and a shy grin spread across his face.

        "You are, your skin is so golden and soft. Your muscles are so 
firm. The candlelight skimming over your naked body makes you look like 
a god," Athena said, a tear sliding down her cheek.

        Starbuck swallowed and looked away. He knew how she felt. He 
had missed this more than he could admit. Just the two of them being
together, alone, the rest of the world not existing. The problems and
conflicts of everyday life being left outside the door. It had been so
long since they had allowed themselves and each other the pleasure.
Part of him was too afraid of getting used to this and losing it. Or
having her suffer the loss. The other part...

        'Not tonight,' he told himself. He wouldn't think of it 
tonight. One last night.

        He turned back and looked at her, bringing his other hand up to 
cup her face. "You are the beautiful one Athena," he said her name
reverently as he whispered it against her lips. 

        Then he touched his lips to hers and began a slow, sweet kiss.

        Athena's arms wound themselves around his neck as her body 
burrowed into his embrace,  as their tongues began to duel feverishly. 
Starbuck brought his right hand to her ass and pressed her more tightly 
against him, relishing the moans of pleasure he aroused from her.

        He moved his lips from her mouth and began to trail down her 
neck, frantically trying to push her peignoir off her shoulder.

        "No," Athena said breathlessly. "Stop."

        Starbuck moaned and stopped his lips, keeping her in his arms 
as he tried to regain control.

        "This is about you," Athena whispered stroking his hair as he 
pressed his forehead into her shoulder.

        Starbuck nodded after a few centons and she let him go. The 
pair looked at each other sheepishly for a moment before Athena pointed 
to the water and directed him to get in.

        Starbuck was pleased to note that her nipples were pressing 
against the silk of her garments, even as she tried to act impassive. 
His own arousal was more than obvious, it was only fair she exhibited 
some of her own.

        Starbuck's eyes closed as he felt the hot water swirl around 
his sore muscles and seep into his frozen bones. "Mmmmm," he moaned as 
he felt most of the tension leave his body. Athena leaned behind him 
and begin to rub his shoulders.

        With a grin he gave himself up to her massage as he imagined 
the effect the water must be having on her white lingerie. No way his
arousal was going to go away by itself now. With a sigh his hand slid
stealthily underneath the bubbled water and began to massage his
balls. He just wanted to add a little pleasure, he told himself.

        "I love watching you do that," Athena whispered in his ear.
 
        "I know," Starbuck answered as he continued to caress himself.

        "Hungry?" she asked him.

        "For food?" Starbuck raised an eyebrow.

        "Yes," Athena affirmed as she held a plate of rosefruits in 
front of him and invited him to take his pick.

        "Aren't you going to feed me?" he asked with a pout, turning 
around to look at his hostess.

        "If you want me to," Athena shrugged, a sly grin on her face.
 
        Starbuck nodded and licked his lips. He was right, water was 
making her clothes see-through. "But you have to remove the robe 
first," he told her, deciding to see how far he could go.

        Athena just nodded, not even bothering to remind him it was a
peignoir as she usually did.
 
        He watched as she stood up and slowly unclasped the outer 
garment and let it slide to the floor around her feet. Starbuck reached 
a hand out and caressed a foot. When she didn't protest he moved his 
hand up her calf. "Sit down," he told her.
 
        Athena eagerly complied, sitting herself on the floor in front 
of him. Starbuck used both hands and pulled her legs open and let them
dangle over the tub. Placing his hands under her thighs he pulled her
forward, heedless of the damage the floor and the water were doing to
her gown, until her center was in front of his face. 

        Athena leaned back onto her elbows, not bothering to protest as 
she felt his breath against her.

        "I am so very, very hungry," he growled before leaning forward 
and dipping his tongue through her folds to the bundle of nerves in the
center of her clitoris. 

        Athena threw her head back with a moan and thrust her hips 
forward.

        Starbuck sucked on her until he felt her tremble. Then he began 
to move his tongue over her in a pattern he had devised especially for
her. And as he licked her he slid his finger slowly in and out of her. 

        "Starbuck," Athena cried out. "Oh Lords, Starbuck, Starbuck."

        "Athena," he whispered against her, drinking her in as he slid 
his tongue inside along with his finger. He used his free hand to hold
himself steady as her juices began to run down his chin. 

        "Starbuck," Athena said his name in one long moan.

        Starbuck's penis twitched as he felt her begin to contract 
against his tongue. He let his tongue continue plunging in and out of 
her contracting vagina as he brought his fingers up to pinch and stroke
her clitoris.

        Athena cried out and her hips began to buck against his face as 
she reached orgasm.

        After a few centons Athena fell back against the wet tile, 
panting. Starbuck pulled back and used his arm to wipe his chin, a 
purely male smile of satisfaction sitting on his face.

        "I said I would feed you," Athena quipped as she propped 
herself back up and looked at him with a wry smile. "I was supposed to 
seduce you," she grumbled.

        "You did, believe me, and you are far from done. Now, I'm 
hungry, again, where are those rosefruits?" Starbuck ran his finger 
down her calf.

        Athena sat up and grimaced at the mess that used to be her 
white nightgown. 

        "Might as well just take it off," Starbuck shrugged, an 
innocent look on his face.

        Athena threw her head back and laughed. He was incorrigible. 
Once she had calmed herself sufficiently, she stood and pulled off the 
gown, carelessly tossing it to the wet floor. Without any phony showing 
of modesty, she strode around and gathered the Ambrosa, glasses and the
rest of the food and set it on the side of the tub before climbing in
herself.

        "What, no more fumarellos?" Starbuck winked at her, silently 
thanking her for gift.

        "I didn't want _them_ to get wet," Athena smiled and popped a
rosefruit into his mouth.

        Starbuck smiled as he chewed.

~~~~~
        Starbuck put the tray on the floor behind him and leaned back 
with a satisfied sigh.

        "Cure your hunger?" Athena opened her eyes and asked from 
across the tub.

        "Hmm, I think I have room for desert though," Starbuck reached 
down and grabbed Athena's leg.
        
        "I planned for that," Athena gasped as Starbuck pulled her 
under the water and towards him.

        Starbuck reached under the water and pulled her up by the 
shoulders in front of him. "I just wanted to see you with your hair 
wet, it makes me wild," he growled gently as he licked the bubbles off 
her face.

        Athena ignored the soap stinging her eyes and settled herself 
in Starbuck's lap. "So, you got me wet, what are you going to do with
me?" she asked, pressing her hips forward.

        "I do like how you think," Starbuck bit down on her ear lobe. 
"And taste," he moaned as he slipped a hand down to caress her breast. 

        Athena moaned as he began to run his finger around her nipple.

        "I am definitely feeling warmer now," Starbuck pressed his 
erection against her center.

        "I think I know how to make sure," Athena said, breathless.

        "Oh," Starbuck ran his tongue over her clavicle.

        "Mmmm," Athena answered and moved so that she was above him. 
"What do you think?" she teased, touching herself to his tip.

        "You expect me to think?" Starbuck rasped out.

        "Nooooo," Athena eased herself down slowly, relishing the feel 
of him inside her, centimeter-by-centimeter.

        Starbuck put his arms around her and biting his lip allowed her 
to control the pace.

        Once he was fully sheathed inside Athena placed her hands on 
his shoulders and began to move, setting a slow, sensual pace.
 
        "Athena," Starbuck sighed as her muscles contracted around him 
with every motion. He moved to capture her lips and slipped his tongue
inside her mouth, mimicking the rhythm she was setting below.

        Athena's arms slipped around his neck as her body began to 
tremble, coming close to release much sooner than she had expected. It 
had been so long.

        Within centons the couple's kissing became frantic as they 
jointly experienced a slow and intense orgasm.

        "So long," Athena mumbled as she tried to catch her breath. "I 
felt that in my toes."

        "I think it's time we move this party to a drier locale," 
Starbuck held up his shriveled fingers.

        Athena nodded, but made no attempt to move.

        Starbuck rested his chin on her head and pulled her into his 
embrace and just held her.
 
        "Athena," Starbuck whispered her name.

        "Yeah," Athena looked up, detecting the serious undertone. She 
looked into his eyes and bit her lip, tears pooling in her eyes and 
trailing down her cheeks.

        "You know I love you," Starbuck put his hands on the sides of 
her head.

        Athena nodded and bit back a sob.

        "But this can't change things out there, you know that," 
Starbuck said in a hoarse voice.

        "Why?" Athena asked, closing her eyes for a micron before 
moving her body off of his violently and scurrying out of the tub.

        Starbuck closed his eyes and looked down, taking deep hitching
breaths as he choked back his own cries. Once he was able he moved out
of the tub, grabbing a terrycloth and followed Athena into the dark,
main room.

	  He found her standing at the viewport staring out at the stars. 
"How am I supposed to live with this?" she asked him quietly as he 
slipped up behind her. She moved away as he tried to touch her.

        "You know why, how, you will. You're a strong woman Athena," 
Starbuck told her.

        "So because I'm strong we both have to suffer? Because I'm 
strong you choose Cassiopeia? Somehow that doesn't seem right," Athena 
said bitterly.

        "I love you because you're strong, but I can't be with you. You 
know my reasons," Starbuck tried to make her look at him.

        "I really don't Starbuck, you've never bothered to explain 
them," she reminded him.

        Starbuck nodded and looked at his feet. "You're right, I've 
been a coward. I asked you to commit to me once, at a time I knew you
couldn't accept and I used that to push you away, I admit that now.
But I can't be with you out there in real life. I...I," Starbuck broke
off. "Please look at me," he pleaded.

        Unable to ignore his plea, Athena moved to him and looked him 
in the eyes.

        "I grew up without parents, without belonging to anyone or 
anywhere. It was a scary and lonely life Athena, I can't allow that to 
happen to my children," Starbuck started to explain. "If you and I got 
sealed we would be condemning our children to that life. We're 
warriors, we could die at anytime. I need for my children to have their 
mother at least."

        "I work on the bridge Starbuck, that's just as safe as a Med 
Tech," Athena protested.

        "Oh 'The," Starbuck cupped her chin. "For now, yes. But you're 
not a bridge technician, you have a warrior's heart. You stay there for 
your brother and your father, you won't do that for much longer," 
Starbuck said tenderly.

        "So we won't have children while we're still in danger," Athena 
moved out of his grasp.

        "It's not that simple," Starbuck shrugged.
        
        "So we can't be together because our children might be left 
orphaned, that doesn't make any sense!" Athena exclaimed. "So I'll stay 
on the bridge or  we won't have children until we find Earth, but at 
least we'll be together!"

        "I can't," Starbuck said.

        Athena walked away from him in frustration.

        "Why?" she asked him in as calm a tone as she could adopt.

        "You deserve better Athena, you deserve a life. You deserve 
more than to wait for me," he didn't turn to face her.

        "So despite the fact we love each other we can't be together. 
Even if it kills me everyday to see you and not be able to make love to 
you. Kills me because I can't hold you and be held by you," Athena 
began to cry. "Kill me to know you're not mine. To watch you with her."

        "It's hard for me too," Starbuck told her.

        "So what! This is your choice! I know you better than anyone 
else and I still don't get it Starbuck. I understand your feelings, but 
I can't understand your reasoning with this, us, in the equation. If 
you didn't love me, and I know you do, I would understand. But I 
don't," Athena dropped her face into her hands and began to cry.

        Starbuck walked over and took her into his arms and held her 
while she sobbed, shedding a few tears himself. "I can't explain it any
better. All I know is that I can't be with you and not get sealed and
have children. But we can't not with how things are now."

        "I'll stay on the bridge," Athena said from the depths of his 
embrace.

        "I can't ask you to do that, and you have to fly in the reserve
squadron, we need you," Starbuck kissed her hair.

        "This is so stupid," Athena mumbled against his chest.

        "Yeah, we're stupid, I'm stupid. That's why you love me. And 
that's why you'll put me behind you and move on," Starbuck chuckled 
into her hair.

        "I guess if you weren't you I wouldn't love you. But you're a 
damn fool if you think denying ourselves is the answer," Athena wiped 
the tears off her cheeks.

        Starbuck closed his eyes. He just couldn't be with her and not 
get sealed and have children. They should be able to do all the things
they had planned before the Destruction. But he couldn't. And she
deserved better.

        Starbuck sighed and let Athena go. He knew all this before he 
came here tonight, but stuck on that frozen ice planet he had 
envisioned her to keep him warm and he couldn't refuse her invitation. 
He couldn't refuse her plans.

        Not tonight.

        One more night.

        One last night.

        "Athena," Starbuck called to her.

        "Yes," she responded.

        "Can we, just...," Starbuck began before Athena cut him off.

        "I said yes," Athena said gently walking over to him and 
slipping the terrycloth from his body and tossing it to the floor. She 
spread her hands over his shoulder and lay her head against his back. 
"One more time," she whispered, leaning against him for another centon 
before beginning to rain little kisses against the back of his neck.

        Starbuck closed his eyes with a sigh.

        Athena moved her hands from Starbuck's shoulder and down his 
chest as she began kissing his back.

        Starbuck's penis began to harden.

        She slid her hands over his shoulders and then placed them on 
his abdomen as she began nipping and licking him lower and lower,
following with her hands. When her hands slid to right above the nest
of hair below his waist, Starbuck let out a groan and entwined his
fingers in hers.

        Athena became wildly arouse as the heat of his arousal radiated 
onto her hands. She tried to move one of her hands to touch herself, 
but he held them prisoner.

        Athena sunk her teeth into the flesh of his butt cheek in 
revenge. 

	  Starbuck winced and chuckled at her playfulness.

        Athena let his skin go from between her teeth and a wicked grin
spread across her face. She licked the mark she had left and moved
their hands until their fingers were caressing his shaft.

        Starbuck moaned and bit his lip, all rationale for his previous 
words of what was best for them disappearing. For this night they were 
the only two people that existed together and nothing would tear them
apart. He felt her hands move back to his hips, urging him to turn and
face her. He obeyed and was immediately rewarded as her warm, wet
tongue began slowly laving him, almost causing his knees to buckle. He
began running his fingers through her thick, black hair, moaning her
name as she took his throbbing penis into her mouth. She moved her
hands up towards his chest, trying to feel all of him as she gently
moved her mouth around his shaft, her teeth teasingly grazing him.

        Starbuck felt himself losing all control. This was insane.

        He moved his hands to gently urge her upwards.

        Once Athena released him, he picked her up off the floor, her 
legs instinctively straddling him. He began savagely kissing her, a 
sense of desperation washing over him as he tasted her tears. How could 
he even think that he could live without this? Without her?

        He picked her up and carried her to the large bed, another 
wonderful amenity to this room, and lay her down. Then he climbed up to 
lay beside her.

        Starbuck's heart was beating so hard that Athena could hear it 
so she began to gently run her fingers through his hair in an effort to 
calm him. If this was going to be the last night they were going to be
together, then she was going to make sure they lasted the entire night
and, at this pace, it didn't have a chance.

        Finally, his pulse slowed and she gently took his head in her 
hands and gazed into his eyes. "Slow down. We have each other for a 
little while longer," she whispered.

        Starbuck touched his forehead to her hers and closed his eyes 
as he felt tears start to well. After a few microns he began placing 
small kisses on her face and nuzzling her neck. With his hands he began 
to caress her breast, and with the other pulled one of her legs up 
around him. Then he rolled over on his back so that she was straddling 
him.

        He gazed up at her, entranced by the wild image she made with 
her hair spilling around them, his erection nestled at the edge of her
moist center. He wanted to remember every micron of this experience.

        Athena, on her part, was doing everything not to thrust her 
hips down. While just centons ago she had been preaching at him to take 
it slow, her own body wasn't listening. She felt his throbbing penis so
close to where she wanted it and it was driving her crazy, she could
feel her juices dripping over him. With a moan she reached down and
began stroking the soft skin. Lords she would miss this.

        Starbuck groaned as she began gently massaging his balls and 
reaching just behind them to that spot that drove him wild. Realizing 
he might come right then and there, he moved so that she could no 
longer reach him and immediately missed the danger of their previous 
position. To make up for it he began suckling her left nipple.

        Now _her_ heart was starting to beat faster. "Oh Starbuck," she
moaned as he teased her  with his tongue and teeth. Her moans became
loader as he moved his hand down, entwining his fingers in her soft,
black curls and slowly moving a finger along her clitoris.

        Starbuck's efforts to recall the previous secton's Triad 
tournament were failing and the need to be inside her was starting to 
overwhelm his intentions. If he couldn't hold back, then he was going 
to make sure that he drover her over the edge with him! With that goal 
in mind he slipped a finger inside her body and began to move it 
slowly.

        Athena's body writhed with his movements and she suddenly 
grabbed him by the hair and pulled him up, their lips and tongues 
meeting in a feverish exchange. Starbuck slipped another finger inside 
her and his cock twitched as he felt her clench around him, trying to 
pull him deeper. With a thrust of his hips, Starbuck slipped another 
finger in and began to pound into her.

        "Starbuck!" Athena protested. "Please, oh please!" Athena 
finally admitted that she couldn't take anymore, much to Starbuck's 
agreement.

        "I want you inside me," she growled, fire in her eyes. Her 
primal words spurred a desire in him the likes of which he had never 
felt before and he quickly put them both out of their misery.

        "Starbuck, Starbuck!" Athena cried out as he entered her and 
began thrusting ferociously. 'This _can't_ be the last time,' her 
thoughts screamed, 'it just can't be!'

        As though he read her thoughts, Starbuck fought himself to slow 
down the pace. He placed a few soft kisses on her neck, then gently 
reached his hand around her back and rolled her over so that she was 
below him, all the while taking great care not to break the connection. 
Once settled, he pushed up so he could see all of her. He moved his 
hands over his breasts, marveling at how perfect they were. Her soft, 
smooth stomach. He caressed her firm thighs that were wrapped around 
his waist.

        This was all too surreal. He couldn't remember why he was 
giving all this up. As he looked into her eyes, he felt his heart 
breaking.

        Athena was trying desperately not to break into tears. She 
loved this man more than anything, would willingly promise to give up 
piloting a viper forever if it would make him stay. But she knew that 
he would never allow her to do that. He had watched her struggle to 
step out of the shadows of her brothers and father and he would never 
permit her to give up what she had accomplished and would accomplish 
for him.

        Her hands glided over his stomach and chest as she began 
rocking her hips back and forth, prompting Starbuck's eyes to close as 
he let out a slow moan. Athena saw his eyes close and reached a hand up 
and placed a finger on "that spot" just at the base of his penis. It 
only took the slightest touch for Starbuck's eyes to open and he 
wrapped his arms around her and plunged his tongue into her mouth. Then 
he took over pushing into her even faster and harder.

        Athena knew that all she needed to do was release the "button" 
and it would all be over.

        And she didn't want it to be over, but she was reaching her 
climax and was quickly losing the ability to hold onto him. Before she 
could decide what to do his ecstasy hit with a pounding force and as 
her body contracted around him her hand flew up and Starbuck joined 
her.

        Starbuck collapsed on top of her and the pair lay with their 
sweaty bodies entwined as they struggled to catch their breaths. He 
could feel her trembling beneath him and he tightened his embrace. As 
she whispered, "I love you," he felt his heart crumble and tears flowed
freely from his eyes. Was he making a mistake? His head was telling
him that he had made the right decision but his heart was begging him
to let go and find a way to be together.

        A sense of helplessness washing over them, they settled into 
each other's arms and drifted off to sleep.

        Athena walked along the corridors of the Galactica and found 
herself in a familiar room. It was lit only by the stars shining 
through the large portal and the flickering flames of numerous tall 
white candles. 

	  She heard her father's voice but couldn't see him through the 
group of people that had gathered at the front of the room. The words 
he spoke were muffled at first but, as she moved closer, she recognized 
them as the sealing vows from the Book of the Word. Lords, this was 
Apollo and Serina's sealing ceremony! A bittersweet moment, she 
remembered, as there were tentative plans the following day for a 
funeral service for Starbuck, thought captured and killed by the 
Cylons. But the sealing ceremony had been beautiful and as Athena moved 
closer to see her family, the crowd parted and her breath caught in her 
throat. Her heart started beating faster and tears welled in her eyes 
as she did not see the faces of Apollo and Serina, but of Starbuck and 
Cassi.

        Adama appeared solemn as he read the words that would bond 
them, far from the more joyous tone he had used for her brother's 
ceremony. 

	  Athena struggled to cry out but her voice was silenced by an 
unknown force. No matter how hard she tried, she could not stop what 
was happening before her. Her tear stained eyes met her father's and
pleaded with him to stop, but he only looked back at her with despair
and continued reading. "Starbuck, Cassiopeia... under the eyes of God,
bound by the symbol of the faiths of the Lords of Kobol, I declare
you..."

        Athena gasped as her body jolted at the last words and her eyes
bolted open. Her face was wet from tears, as was the soft, golden
chest that her head had been resting on. She felt Starbuck stir from
her sudden movement and she raised her head up to see if she had woken
him. Alas, he was still in a deep slumber, probably for the best. Had
he been awake, they would've made love once more, making it all the
more difficult for her to leave. And if she was going to leave, it had
to be now. She realized as she caressed his cheek that she would not
be able to let go if she awoke the next morning still in his arms, his
blue eyes gazing at her. Her tears continued to flow as she whispered,
"Goodbye Starbuck," and gently kissed his cheek.

        She slowly got out of the bed, quietly dressed and gathered up 
her things. Choking back sobs, she stole one last look at the sleeping
warrior, then left the private room and the man she so desperately
loved.

        Starbuck stirred with the first signs of awakening. The 
softness of the bed linens on his bare skin immediately brought a flood 
of memories of the night before and a wide smile broke across his face.
He couldn't remember a time when he felt as happy or as content. But
as the cloudiness of his sweet dreams began to fade, his heart became
heavy in reminder of _his_ decision. And it was _his_ decision. One
that he was now regretting.

        'Haven't you learned anything from the Destruction bucko?' he 
asked himself. 'Life is too short to not live it to the fullest, to not
savor every micron as if it was your last. How can you do that if you
are keeping yourself from what brings you the most happiness?'

        Feeling a sudden burst of energy, an inner light awakening him 
fully, he reached out an arm to touch, and hopefully waken, the 
sleeping angel next to him. But his hand found nothing but soft linens 
and the pillow that she hadn't slept on, having slumbered on his body.

        Starbuck's eyes burst open to confirm what he already knew. She 
was gone. He called out her name in the faint hopes that she was still 
in the private chamber, perhaps taking a turboshower. There was no 
answer to his call. He jumped out of the bed and scurried to the main 
room, praying that she was there and just hadn't heard him. Nothing. 
His uniform had been straightened out and laid on the couch. He glanced
into the alcove where the tub was now empty and the silky wet gown and
peignoir were gone.

        Starbuck felt helplessness overcome him. He fell back against 
the wall behind him and slid down to the floor, his body convulsing as 
his head spun and tears slid down his cheeks.

        "What have I done?" he called out, uselessly, to the empty 
room.

        After a few centons, he regained some semblance of composure 
and realized that is was just this indecisiveness that proved she 
deserved better. He couldn't think rationally when he was around her, 
only wanting to love and protect her. And while he knew that she was 
not happy with his decision, she had been the smart one by leaving 
before he awoke. His heart had woken before his mind, it always did and 
she knew that. She knew him better than anyone.

        Taking a deep breath and swallowing any leftover tears, 
Starbuck began the menial task of putting his uniform and warrior  
persona back on and reluctantly returned to the life that he had chosen 
for himself.

~~~~~~~~

        Athena stood on the bridge, watching the stars pass by as they
continued on their journey. How she wished she could reach out and
hold onto one of those stars. But like most things in her life, what
she truly wanted was impossible to hold. Too hot. Too large. Passing
by too quickly.

~~~~~~~~

        Tarak was standing in the turbolift impatiently waiting to be 
let out on his desired level when a piece of paper caught his eye. 
Paper was rare in the Fleet, most people didn't bother using the scarce
material, intrigued he bent down and picked it up. With a sly grin he
read the message written on it, in clearly feminine handwriting.

        "Looks like someone had as satisfying a night as I intend!" he
slipped the note into his pocket and exited the Lift.

THE END
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