Embers to Flames
by
June 2000
Rating: PG13 to NC17
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Part 1
Strike Captain Starbuck of the Battlestar Galactica moved quietly through the door of his quarters. The lights were turned down low. Though it was only midway through the second cycle, he knew it was likely that the compartment's other occupant was asleep.
Starbuck slipped into the bedroom and confirmed his suspicion with one glance. His very pregnant wife lay curled in the center of their bed, her hair framing her face and her hand cradling her swollen abdomen.
Standing in the door of the bedroom as his eyes adjusted to the darkness, Starbuck watched the scene before him for several minutes. A tenderness he had never imagined he would feel filled him as he watched the woman he loved with all his heart and the new life that she carried.
Smiling to himself, Starbuck slipped into the main chamber, a sense of relief filling him. When he'd tried to contact her after his patrol ended, he'd learned she'd left her shift early complaining of fatigue. She seemed all right - tired to be sure - but all right. He really wanted her to start her natal leave, but, fearing the boredom that inactivity would bring, she wanted to stay on duty for a few more sectons yet. Starbuck knew Dr. Salik agreed with him, but his wife was nothing if not stubborn.
Settling himself into the sofa, Starbuck activated the TransVid. He kept the volume low, but he wanted to catch the latest Triad scores on the IFB. He had dropped off the team for good last season. He'd paired with Boomer after Apollo's promotion first to major then recently to Lt. Colonel had made it impossible for him to continue with the sport. The pairing with Boomer had lasted one season, but this past yahren had been too full of changes for Starbuck to add another distraction. Besides, he had no intention of being off ship at a match when his wife went into labor. He had missed Dalton's birth. It would not happen again.
The thought of his daughter made Starbuck smile. She was some kid. Bright. Beautiful. Cunning. She had all of Cassiopeia's good qualities and all of Starbuck's nefarious ones. Even Boxey, now twelve and seven yahrens her senior, found it hard to keep up with her. Starbuck shook his head at the thought of his surrogate nephew's attachment to Dalton. Apollo had done a fine job with the boy in the six yahrens since the Destruction. To be sure, he's had help - especially from Athena - but a lot of what Boxey was came from the behavior that Apollo modeled.
Thinking about Boxey and Apollo made Starbuck remember the time. They had a dinner engagement tonight. Once a secton the Commander's family - biological and extended - got together for dinner. The tradition had started six yarhens ago at the dinner where Apollo announced his engagement to his late wife Serina - Boxey's mother. In time the gathering had grown to include Cass, Sheba, and eventually Dalton. It would grow again soon. Starbuck glanced at the time. Still two centons until dinner. He could let his wife sleep for a while yet.
Settling back into the chair, Starbuck could not help but recall another dinner - this one just a little less than two yahren ago - that had changed his life forever.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Captain Starbuck, the newly promoted strike leader of Blue Squadron, hurried through the halls of the Galactica from her landing bay towards the command area. He was late for dinner with the family. Cass would skin him alive. The others would be - well tolerant. They were used to Starbuck's lack of schedule. Even Athena, critical of him as she was, would simply assume that time had gotten away from him. Cass, on the other hand, would assume his libido had taken hold. Since Dalton's birth three yarhens ago she had become very possessive. Starbuck knew she wanted a commitment and with Dalton in the picture she had a right to it. Every time he balked he felt like a heel, but things just were not right.
Starbuck paused outside the door to the Commander's dining chamber to catch his breath. Once he felt composed, he buzzed himself in. Cass was seated at the table sipping a glass of ambrosia. Adama, Apollo and Sheba were near the bar at the back of the room engaged in an intense discussion. "Sorry I'm late," he said brusquely, crossing quickly to Cass and kissing her on the forehead. She frowned up at him, but before she could say anything a flying ball of energy nearly knocked Starbuck off his feet.
"Daddy!" Dalton cried, wrapping her arms around her father's neck as he lifted her in the air.
"How's my girl?" Starbuck asked, giving her a big kiss and hugging her to him.
"Okay. Boxey's teaching me a game."
"Is he now? " Starbuck arched an eyebrow at Apollo's ten-yahren old son, who had followed Dalton out of the sitting area.
"Just a card game, Starbuck." Boxey said. "Not pyramid or anything."
Starbuck shook his head and tussled Boxey's hair. "Okay kid, as long as you leave the fun stuff for me. I have to have something to pass on to the next generation."
"Yes sir" Boxey replied. "Come on Dalton. Let's finish this game before dinner."
"`K. Bye Daddy. Don't go anywhere." Dalton jumped out of her father's arms and followed Boxey into the other room.
"Even she knows you wander," Cass's voice came from behind Starbuck. He turned to see that she had risen from her chair and was glaring at him.
"Not now, Cass." Starbuck said quietly. "Let me say hello to everyone."
Starbuck moved over to where the others stood, apparently unaware of his presence. Cass stared at him for a minute than moved into the sitting room to observe the game that Boxey and Dalton were playing.
"I have to disagree, Father!" Apollo's voice was low but firm. " I don't think it's a good idea. She . . ."
"Hi. Sorry I'm late. My ship was acting up and I wanted to hang around until Jenny checked it out."
"Hello Starbuck. You're not all that late. Besides, Athena's not here yet. " Sheba smiled at him and offered a quick hug and kiss. Starbuck really liked and respected her. He wished Apollo would get it together and stop hiding from her.
Apollo glanced at his former wingman and closest friend. As a newly promoted Major, Apollo spent less time on patrol and more time coordinating defense and recon strategy. While it was clear that the two would still fly together in battle if needed, for recons and daily patrols, their pairing was by necessity limited.
"I'm glad you're here, Starbuck. " Apollo said. "Actually maybe you can settle this."
"Settle what?"
"Earlier today, Father and I met with Tigh to discuss realigning the squadrons in view of recent promotions. With both Sheba and I taking on new responsibilities as majors and out of the patrol rotation and you and Boomer in command of blue and red squadrons respectively, you are without a wingman. Boomer wants to continue to fly with Jolly, so we either transfer someone you know from Red or Silver Spar or we put you with a new pilot."
Starbuck grimaced. "I don't like either idea. Why can't I just fly solo for the daily stuff?"
"There is another solution, " Adama said. "One that both Colonel Tigh and I support but that Apollo has issues with."
"And what is that?" Starbuck asked, having the feeling he already knew the answer.
Adama and Apollo glanced at each other, neither one apparently willing to broach the subject. Sheba, sensing the duo's discomfort, stepped into the breach. "Tigh suggested and Adama supported the idea of restoring Athena to full flight status and making her your wingman. The two of you have worked together before, right?"
"Yes, at Kobol. Actually if I can't work with you Apollo, I like the idea of flying with someone I've worked with before. What's the problem?"
"Several as I see it" Apollo replied, a distinct edge to his voice. " Athena is an accomplished bridge office. So accomplished that she's made Core Captain at a younger age than anyone in fleet history, but she's got limited experience in vipers. She flies irregularly scheduled patrols and emergency combat missions. You are the combat veteran, but you are of equal rank and when she's on the bridge she gives you the orders. Out there the roles would be reversed and I don't know if she can adapt."
Starbuck shook his head. "Give your sister some credit, Major. She's a hell of a fine warrior. She's a great pilot and she's learned how to take orders, even from me. Sure she had to adapt when we flew together at Kobol, but she learned quickly. She knows whose boss out there. Like I said, if I can't have you there is no one I'd rather have at my back than Athena."
"See Apollo, even Starbuck agrees. " Adama looked at his son. Ho did not understand the younger man's hesitation. " For what its worth Starbuck Tigh and I said the same thing about Athena earlier."
"There is another issue Father." Apollo lowered his voice and glanced towards the other room where the children and Cass continued to amuse themselves. "Starbuck and Athena have a personal history. I have concerns that it will get in the way."
" Apollo!" Sheba cried, horrified that he would question the professionalism of either his sister or his best friend, especially in front of his Father.
"Look, friend, " Starbuck practically snarled. "If anyone but you had made that remark they'd be on their asteroids by now. As it is, I want to remind you that your sister and I settled things long ago. She's forgiven me for what I did even if you can't. I'm sorry. I'll say it a million times if I have to, but it will never, ever interfere with my duty to this fleet - or hers for that matter."
"Starbuck I never meant to imply that it would." Apollo said sharply. " I am more concerned with how your professional life might impact your personal life, not vice versa." Apollo cocked his head towards the other room. More than anyone else he was aware of the strain between his friend and Cass. Down deep Apollo was afraid that pairing Starbuck with Athena would be a deathblow to the already struggling relationship. In addition he feared what that change might mean for Athena.
"My personal life is just that Apollo. If Cassie can't handle what duty demands of me, we will work it out. But I will not use this as an excuse not to work with Athena when it makes so much sense. Besides, I think you are just grasping at straws. I know you wanted Athena kept out of a viper after Kobol. I can even understand why, but she's earned this shot."
Before Apollo could respond the door to the compartment opened and the object of the discussion hurried into the dining area. "Sorry, I'm late. I …." Athena stopped short to find four pair of eyes staring at her. " What? Was I supposed to bring dinner?"
Adama chuckled at his daughter. "No. Not at all. Actually we were just wondering where you were. Would you like a drink?"
"Sounds delightful. I was running a diagnostic on the scanners. They haven't felt right all day. Turned out the calibration was slightly off."
Adama shook his head again. His daughter was a wizard on the scanners. He'd hate to take her away from that too often, but she had more than earned the right. His guilt at keeping her chained to the bridge for several yahren was wearing at him.
The Commander handed his daughter an ambrosia She sipped the fine liquid, thankful to be off duty so that she could enjoy it. Looking around the room, she noticed immediately who was and wasn't present. "Where's Cassie?" she asked Starbuck.
"She's in the other room entertaining Boxey and Dalton," the warrior replied.
"We were talking shop, " Sheba added. "I think it bored her."
"Actually, your Father has a proposition for you that I think you will be interested in." Starbuck inclined his head towards Adama, oblivious to Apollo's warning glance.
"Father? What's up?" Athena glanced at the four people in front on her. Her father definitely was hiding something. Sheba and Starbuck also had a look of anticipation in their eyes, but Apollo's face was grim to say the least. "Okay, what is going on here?"
"I am not sure this is the right time. . or place." Apollo said, hoping for more time to change his father's mind.
"I disagree Apollo. This is Athena's choice and the sooner we let her make it, the better for everyone concerned." Adama silenced his son with a look that allowed no further protests. He then turned to his daughter, sizing her up as much as a commander as a father. Now nearly twenty-five yahren old, Athena, Adama knew, was considered beautiful, even sexy, by most of the unattached males on the ship. Slender but by no means boyish, Athena had allowed her long raven hair to grow until it reached the small of her back. As she aged, her face lost some of the roundness of its youth and gained an angular femininity that highlighted her high cheekbones, full lips and large crystal blue eyes. Beneath all of the physical trappings, Athena was an insightful woman, a seasoned bridge officer, and whether or not Apollo wanted to admit it, a talented pilot. Adama took a deep breath and addressed his youngest surviving child.
"Captain Athena, both Colonel Tigh and I have suggested, and Captain Starbuck has approved, that you be reinstated to full flight status and assigned to Blue Squadron as Starbuck's wing mate."
"What?" Athena shook her head as if trying to clear it. "But Father, you always have maintained that I am needed on the bridge."
"And so you are, Athena, but we also need you in a viper right now. As you know we've instituted a patrol rotation that allows senior pilots to serve as instructors or in other capacities while they are not scheduled for patrol. We can modify your schedule to allow you to serve rotations on the bridge at regular intervals. Besides, with the Cylons seemingly out of the picture we need to focus more on recon. Your talent with the scanners will be needed on those missions."
Athena merely stared at her father. For yahrens she had wanted this - the chance to fly regularly. After her mother and Zac then Serina were killed, her father and brother had agreed - no conspired was a better word - to keep her on the bridge as much as possible. While she understood their reasons, part of her truly resented it.
"Hey Thee!" Hearing Starbuck use her childhood nickname pulled her from her reverie. She found the young blonde captain staring at her. " Let me guess - you'd rather kiss a daggit than fly with me, right?"
"Not at all! I'm thrilled. I can't wait. There is no one I'd rather fly with. I'm just shocked." Athena glanced at her father. "Is this for real?"
"Yes, Athena. If you want the job, it's yours. I can't hold you back forever." Athena quickly closed the gap and hugged her father. "I take it that means yes."
"Definitely!" Athena cried.
"Wahoo" Starbuck lifted Athena in the air and whooped, loudly enough to bring Cassie and the children in from the other room.
"Hey Aunt Athena!" Boxey cried, "What's going on?"
"Kid, " Starbuck answered, as he put Athena down. "Your Aunt just made a very wise decision - she's going to be my wing mate!"
"Cool!" Boxey said. "I was kinda worried about you without Dad out there to look after you."
All of the adults in the room, including Starbuck, laughed at Boxey's perception. The tumult and noise continued as the steward signaled that dinner was ready and the group moved towards the large dining table. Only Apollo and Cassie appeared less than content. No one noticed that Cassiopeia was unusually quiet and kept glancing at Athena, but Starbuck did notice the veiled warning glances that Apollo fairly hurled in his direction. Starbuck knew that he had not heard the end of Apollo's objections.
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Later that night, Starbuck carried a sleeping Dalton into her bedchamber. Pulling back the covers, Starbuck laid his daughter on the bed then helped Cassie remove her shoes. Trying to undress her further would be fruitless. She would wake up and never get back to sleep.
After their daughter was tucked in, Cassie and Starbuck slipped quietly into the outer room of Cassie's quarters. It was a noticeable mark of their relationship that while Starbuck spent most nights at Cassie's, he had not given up his bachelor quarters. After several minutes it became clear to Starbuck that Cassie had no intention of speaking to him.
For a skilled veteran warrior like Starbuck, fear was something to be used in battle. You channeled it and made it a weapon. One on one with Cassie, fear was something to be ashamed of. While he did not like to admit it, Starbuck was afraid to force the issue with her - afraid of what it would lead to. Deep down he knew that their relationship was over and had been for a long time, but she was the mother of his child. In his heart, a little orphan boy who finally had a family did not want to let that family go. Still, Starbuck knew that for Dalton's sake - as well as for his and Cassie's- they had to resolve this.
"Okay Cassie. I give. I'm in the daggit house. Care to tell me why?"
Cassie looked at Starbuck with a mixture of shock, amusement, and pity. "You really don't know, do you?"
Starbuck shook his head, truly perplexed by the sudden escalation of her anger.
"Starbuck, did it ever occur to you that I might have a problem - a real problem - with your former lover as your wing mate? I mean not just any ex girlfriend but the one everybody knows was the love of your life, the one you still care about and the one whose brother is still your best friend?"
"Cass, " Starbuck said, moving towards her. " You know Athena and I have been over for a long time. Even if I wasn't involved with you - which I very much am - she would never trust me that way again Cass. She's more suspicious of me than you are. Besides, she's all business in a viper. She's waited a long time for this and I doubt seriously that she would do anything to jeopardize it."
"So its supposed to make me feel better that I can trust her?" Cassie was incredulous. She'd given up hoping for declarations of love and commitment, but she at least hoped he'd try to make her believe that he was faithful to her.
"What else can I say?" Starbuck slumped down on the sofa. "Its clear that you don't trust me. You never have. Am I supposed to stand here all night and try to make you trust me after four yahrens? It's not going to happen Cass. You can't trust me anymore than I can commit to you. Deep down we both know this was over a long time ago. We were over before Dalton was born. I think we've both kept trying for her sake."
Cassiopeia sat down beside Starbuck and took his hand in hers. " I know. I wanted this to work so badly. I wanted us to be a family, but I can't trust you. In the back of my mind I can never forget that you ended up in my arms because Athena was stupid enough - or hurt enough - to let you go. I also can't forget that you would be with her in a heartbeat if she'd let you. I've lost count of the number of times that I've seen it in you face - your relief at Kobol that she was okay, when you held her at Serina's funeral, and especially after the fire. You could not wait to see her, to hold her. I saw that."
"Cass . . ."
"Don't deny it Starbuck. We both know its true. You know, when I got pregnant with Dalton I had this image of us as a family - sealed, together. Raising her and a couple of other kids. But you never asked me. I realized in that moment that you never would. But part of me held on to the dream for her sake. Then Athena came to see us in life center. She was holding Dalton and I saw you watching her. I saw it in your eyes just for a second that you wanted Dalton to be hers - yours and hers." Cass's voice broke and Starbuck put his arm around her shoulder and drew her to him.
"I'm so sorry Cassie. So sorry. " He whispered these words into her hair. She pulled back and looked up at him, slightly surprised to find tears in his eyes. " Cass, you have to believe me. After you had Dalton, I was never unfaithful to you. I wanted this to work. I wanted us to be a family, but I couldn't - I can't - let go of her. That's why flying with her means so much. Deep down I knew - even Apollo knew- that if I did this it would be the end of you and me. But I can't let this chance pass by. If I can't be her lover - or more - then I can be her wing mate and her friend. You know that relationship is special. It will have to be enough."
Cassie continued to stare at him. She knew that she should be surprised and hurt, but she wasn't. She did have questions though. "Starbuck, what I don't understand is why you've waited so long? I mean Athena's been alone, unattached for yahrens. I don't think there has been anyone serious since you. Before Dalton, after Dalton - why didn't you try to win her back if you knew you loved her?"
"I can't win her back Cassie. I'm the reason there is no one in her life. After Dalton I thought our family would be enough to make me forget. I was wrong, but I knew that there was nothing I could do to win her back. You should hate me for this Cassie - for using you. I won't blame you, Just please don't teach Dalton to hate me. She's all that I have." Tears began to flow in earnest from Starbuck's eyes. He covered his face with his hands.
Cassie placed her arm around his shoulders and pulled him to her. "Shhh. Its okay. I could never hate you and I would never teach Dalton to hate you, but Starbuck how can you be sure that you can't get her back if you've never tried?"
Starbuck, his face wet with tears, moved across the room to stand at the viewing port. Looking out at the stars he began to explain in a low voice. " I killed her brother Cass."
Cassie looked at Starbuck as if her where speaking a foreign language "What are you talking about?"
"Zac. He took my patrol that day. He died out there in my place."
"So you think it would have been easier for Athena to lose you? Come on, you know better."
"She would not have lost me Cass. Zac died because he was inexperienced. He made a rookie mistake. "
"You can't believe that she blames you!"
"Its not just that Cass. When I got back to the Galactica that day, my ship shot to pieces, she talked me in. She risked her own safety to be there when I landed. What did I do? I never stopped to think what she had been through. I took all of my anger and frustration out on her. She tried to explain, but she never fought back. Even that night all I could think of was myself - how scared I was. How I felt more alone in that moment than I had since I was child. I knew that all I needed was Athena and I would not be lonely. I asked her to take the seal with me Cass. Did you know that?" Cass stared at Starbuck and shook her head. "I don't think she ever told anyone. She asked for time. I mean she'd just lost her mother. She'd just watched her brother killed, and what do I do? I propose and can't even give her a little time. I have to go out and find the first warm body . . . Oh Lords Cass, I'm sorry." Realizing what he had said, Starbuck paled visibly.
"Its okay, Starbuck. Don't you think I knew what you were doing? I was doing the same thing. I'd seen the world shot to hell around me. I needed someone, anyone. You fit the bill. I never expected to fall in love, least of all with a man who would always love someone else."
"I tried to put her behind me Cass. I wanted us to work. When Dalton was born, I wanted us to be a family. I really did"
"I know, but there is a part of your heart I can never touch. It will always belong to her. The question is what are you going to do about it."
"Can you ever forgive me?"
"I love you Starbuck. I always will. Maybe if we can stop trying to be something we aren't , we can be something stronger - like good friends. We need to be for Dalton's sake."
Starbuck nodded and pulled Cassie into his arms. He held her for a long time as tears rolled down both their checks. The moment passed and Starbuck stepped back. "I should go. I'm meeting Athena in the launch bay before her bridge shift. She wants to take a look at her ship."
"Remember what I said Starbuck. You have to decide what to do about your feelings. None of us can afford to waste time."
Starbuck nodded. Kissing the top of Cassie's head, he slipped quietly in to kiss Dalton goodnight then returned to his own quarters.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
At about the same time in Apollo's quarters, the exhausted major had just managed to get Boxey to go to sleep. Walking into he main room where Sheba waited, he smiled at her and shook his head. " I think he's more excited about Athena returning to flight status than Athena is."
Sheba nodded. "He idolizes her - the same way he idolizes you and Starbuck. She's been like a mother to him. Of course he's proud of her."
Apollo sat next to Sheba on the sofa. "I just hope he does not realize the danger she's in. I hate to think of him worrying more than he already does." Sheba made eye contact with Apollo and held his gaze for a long moment.
"Is that why you're against this? Because it's dangerous? Because of Zac and Serina?"
Apollo broke eye contact with Sheba and glanced downward. "Yes and no. I can't lie and pretend that the idea of her out there doesn't scare me to death. It does. Boxey can't take another loss. Neither can Father or I for that matter, but nobody is really safe. I know that. Besides, it's not fair to her to keep holding her back. She's good. Damn good and she deserves a chance to fulfill her dreams. She's a warrior. She can take care of herself out there."
"So what is it then?"
"Starbuck. I don't trust him"
"What? Why?"
"Sheba, you weren't on the Galactica before. You don't know what it was like. What that breakup did to her. How he could leave her after everything that had happened I will never know. Neither one of them will tell me what happened. I guess I can't blame them. I was never very supportive of their relationship. I just don't want her to get hurt again."
"Apollo, you just said that she can take care of herself. She's not a baby anymore. She's a grown woman."
"She can take care of herself out there. When it comes to Starbuck she has no defenses, no judgment. She's loved him practically all her life. She was just a kid when they met. No more than 8 or 9. She idolized him. He worshipped her. He always played the big brother. He was even better at it than I was. More patient. More tolerant. I was just so much older and closer to Zac in many ways. I never expected Athena to become a warrior. When she ended up on the Galactica - this beautiful grown-up capable woman, I was so proud of her. Then I saw her turn to mush around Starbuck. He's her biggest weakness. He exploited that, but when she needed him he walked away."
Sheba shook her head, bewildered by the venom she heard beneath the surface of Apollo's voice.. "You don't know that Apollo. You just said you don't know what happened."
"I know Starbuck. I know he broke her heart and jumped straight into Cassie's arms. It was easy for him. There were no strings there. Just mutual comfort. He's only stuck with it because of Dalton. He's going to bolt. I see it, and Athena will be right there - accessible every day. I just hope she remembers what he did to her."
"Give them both a little credit Apollo. She's a lot stronger and smarter than you think. And Starbuck's grown up a lot in the last few yahren. He's a father now. It makes a difference."
"I hope you're right Sheba. I really hope you are, but I doubt it"
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The next morning, Starbuck paced anxiously by his viper. He knew he was early but he had not gotten much sleep. Anticipation and thoughts of his discussion with Cassie had kept him awake. Though the end of their relationship hurt, he knew it was the right thing. What was nagging him was her comment about Athena. She was right. He could not just sit back and do nothing. It might be impossible after all this time, but he had to try. Apollo would kill him for sure, but it's a chance that he had to take.
Once he'd made up his mind, Starbuck had lain awake most of the night trying to figure out his next move. He'd thought of wooing her or seducing her, but he knew she'd never go for it. Athena knew him better than he knew himself. She'd never trust his motives if he tried that approach.
Trust was the key. He had to get her to trust him again - first as a wing mate and a friend. She wanted to be a pilot. It was her dream. He'd help her make it come true. The rest would have to wait. Starbuck knew he would have to be patient, and that came hard. But, he told himself, Athena was worth waiting for. He'd waited all this time. He could wait a little longer to get it right.
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At about the same time, Athena hurried along the passageway between her quarters and the lift. She was running late, but she'd taken extra time this morning to braid her long hair and don a full warrior's ensemble. On the bridge she generally wore her hair down, but she knew that could be a danger in a viper. In terms of her uniform, she had decided that the full ensemble was the best choice from here on out, despite the fact that it was bulkier and less comfortable than her dark blue command jumpsuit. If she expected to be treated like a full-fledged warrior, she needed to look the part.
As she waited for the lift, she took a deep breath. She hadn't really slept at all. The anticipation of moving to full flight status had occupied her thoughts. She knew it would take several cycles to become effective, but this pre-flight check was a first step.
Athena could not remember a time when she did not want to be a warrior and a pilot like her father and brothers. Her mother Ilya, knowing how hard it was for female pilots, had tried to point Athena in other directions but there was nothing that pulled at her like the Colonial service.
After the Destruction, Athena had forced herself to remain content on the bridge. Except for that brief period at Kobol, she'd only flown in emergencies. While she understood the reasoning - both personal and professional - there were days when she resented it. She excelled at what she did to be sure and taking care of Boxey, Apollo and her father helped to make up for many things. She knew they needed her after Ilya, Zac and Serina, but part of her - the fiercely independent part that was more her father's daughter than her mother's - wondered when it would be her turn.
The advent of Sheba into their lives had seemed to be the answer. As she became part of their family and her relationship with Apollo grew, Athena hoped she would be able to focus more on her career, but her father and Apollo never broached the subject. It did not help that Boxey never seemed to warm to Sheba. He liked Cassie and a handful of other female warriors well enough, but he was very reserved with Sheba.
After the rejuvenation center incident, Boxey seemed to cling to her. He told Apollo she saved his life. Athena tried to argue that point, but Boxey was as firm as any six yahren old could be. Many things had changed after that day. Apollo had faced losing what was left of his family and they had all survived it, largely because of him. That seemed to partially exorcise the ghosts of Zac and Serina. It certainly broke down some of walls had arisen between her and Apollo. Although they never talked about Zac or Serina, they were now closer than ever, thanks to her role as a surrogate mother to Boxey.
Her father had never completely recovered from his injuries. He tired more easily and seemed older somehow. Athena knew her presence on the bridge made it easier for him to rest. She became his eyes and ears for certain things. She knew she would continue to do that, but so would Tigh.
Perhaps the greatest change had come in her relationship with Starbuck. She'd seen the relief in his eyes that she was unhurt. Intuitively she knew that he wanted to take her in his arms but that Cassiopeia's presence prohibited it. They had talked later and much of the hostility that had brewed between them seemed to abate. She relished their renewed - if clandestine - closeness. As their time alone together increased, she even allowed herself to wonder if he might leave Cassie and come back to her.
Then Cassie got pregnant. Athena knew it was not planned and that Starbuck was shocked. He'd told her about the pregnancy himself. His sense of duty to Cassie had been clear - as had his love and devotion to his unborn child. "I want my child to have the family that I never had." They'd said a tearful goodbye, knowing that he'd never leave Cassie and that they had to stop seeing each other. In her heart, Athena wondered whether Cassie had known about them and planned her pregnancy to trap Starbuck. If so the plan had been a mixed success. Cassie's pregnancy had ended any hope of reconciliation between Starbuck and Athena, but Starbuck had never asked Cassie to take the seal as far as Athena knew. He was devoted to Dalton, but his relationship with the child's mother remained tenuous at best.
Since Dalton's birth, Athena's relationship with Starbuck had by necessity been relegated to family functions, official engagements, duty related encounters, and the occasional private but platonic conversation. As they'd drifted apart, old ghosts had reasserted themselves. She sensed Starbuck's guilt and discomfiture in her presence, but she knew of no way to absolve him without declaring her love - something that she would never do.
The lift arrived and Athena stepped into it for the short trip to the landing bay. Her feelings about this new chance to restore a relationship - even just a working one - with Starbuck had her all muddled. She wanted to restore their closeness, but her first priority had to be to make this opportunity to fly work. She wanted this with every fiber of her being. The passion and desire she felt for Starbuck had been channeled into her career. It was the supreme irony that he should no be such a large part of her golden opportunity to prove herself.
In the darkness of her quarters last night, she's made a choice. Her career would have to come first. Starbuck had Cassie and his daughter. Nothing could ever come of his relationship with Athena. Her career was something tangible that she could achieve. If that meant keeping Starbuck at arm's length, so be it.
With that resolve firmly in place, Athena stepped off the lift into the landing bay.
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From his place beside her viper, Starbuck saw Athena exit the lift. He couldn't even believe how good she looked in the warrior's uniform and how right it seemed on her. He loved the way she was wearing her hair and the new confidence that she exuded. He had vivid memories of running his fingers through her hair, but forced them down.
"Starbuck?" Athena called, unable to see him from her vantage point.
"I'm here." Starbuck moved out from behind the viper, careful to conceal his less than professional thoughts.
"Sorry I'm late. I forgot how long this mess takes to get into"
"G- strap above the knee?" Starbuck questioned, remembering a training session before Kobol.
"I never had that particular problem, Captain." Athena replied. "If you recall it was Serina who …." Her voice trailed off as she realized she'd broken one of the family's taboos. Never mention the dead. "Sorry."
"Don't be. It's nice to know that someone else thinks about her. I'm not sure how we all fell into not talking about her or Zac or Ilya, for that matter."
"Apollo." Athena said quietly.
"Yea. He gets that funny look on his face whenever their names come up and he changes the subject."
"Does he talk about them with you? I mean I know he doesn't when we're all together, but what about when you're alone or on patrol?" Starbuck shook his head. Athena sighed. "They might as well have never existed for him. He wants us all to forget. If he denies it all, it never happened." Athena's voice cracked with unshed tears and the pain of not being able to grieve with the one person who truly understood her loss.
"Thee . . ." Starbuck began, reaching for her. In an instant her face revealed the emotions that she worked so hard to keep in check, but she forced them back down.
"No. We can't do this. Not here. Not now' She took a deep breath and squared her shoulder. " I have to be on the bridge in a centon and we have a lot to do." Once again the consummate warrior and professional, she moved passed Starbuck to the nose of the viper.
As he watched her, Starbuck fought his desire to take her in his arms and make her release all the emotions her knew were pent up inside her slight frame. "Your brother's not the only one in denial, angel." He thought but forced himself to follow her, realizing all the time that maintaining a professional distance was going to be the toughest mission that he had ever undertaken.
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In the weeks that followed, the partnership between Starbuck and Athena flourished, though their chances to prove their abilities were severely limited. After that brief instant in the landing bay, neither one of them ever crossed the line between personal and professional again. Under Starbuck's tutelage Athena quickly regained the skills and form that had made her one of the heroines of Kobol. At the same time, Starbuck was impressed at how much her overall instincts and abilities had grown in the four yahrens since she'd last been his wing mate.
If Athena was aware of the altered state of his relationship with Cassie, she kept it to herself. In fact, no one seemed aware of it. Not much had actually changed. Only Boomer realized that Starbuck spent every night in the pilot's quarters rather than staying most nights with Cassie. Cassie still brought Dalton to the "family" dinners. Starbuck had considered telling Apollo, but thought better of it. He did not want to give Apollo the satisfaction of being right, nor did he want to explain the reasons behind the break up. Apollo did not need other excuses to continue his silent campaign against Athena and Starbuck's partnership.
As it was, Apollo had tacitly managed to keep their missions together to a minimum. They flew only short-term patrols. With no immediate combat threats looming, both Starbuck and Athena had hoped for either short-range or long-range recon assignments. Every time a roster was published, they expected to be on it. Every time, Apollo maintained that they needed more time to learn each other's rhythms or that Athena was still needed on the bridge too often to make recon assignments practical.
As Apollo's methods became clear, Starbuck grew angrier and angrier. An icy distance began to form between him and his best friend and he wanted to confront Apollo. Ever the peacemaker, Athena refused to allow it. "I have to do this within the rules, Starbuck. If that means that I have to prove myself to my own brother every day, that's what I will do."
Starbuck doubted that the reasons behind Apollo's actions had anything to do with Apollo's belief in Athena's abilities. Apollo's words continued to echo in his head. "Starbuck and Athena have a personal history. I have concerns that it will get in the way."
"Maybe Apollo is more aware of the situation with Cassie that I thought," Starbuck considered when yet another duty roster came out without a scheduled recon for him and Athena. Despite his gut feelings, Starbuck was willing to give his friend the benefit of the doubt. "He must think that by keeping me on board and limiting my time with Athena, Cassie and I can fix things." Although he knew Athena would not be happy, Starbuck decided to confront Apollo. Realizing that the major had just gotten off duty, Starbuck knew where he would find him.
As he headed towards the officer's club, Starbuck was struck by how long it had been since he and Apollo had shared a drink or a private conversation outside of the family dinners. The realization of how wide the gulf between them had become since Starbuck and Athena had been partnered hit Starbuck hard. "I've been so absorbed in this I never even realized it." In his wildest dreams Starbuck never considered that rebuilding his relationship with Athena would take place at the expense of his friendship with Apollo. "Maybe that's the problem, " Starbuck thought. "If it's that simple I can fix it."
Starbuck entered the officer's club and saw Apollo sitting at the bar with Sheba, The two appeared to be deep in conversation. Without hesitation, Starbuck approached them.
"You have to give it a chance, Apollo. Trust . . . oh hi Starbuck." Sheba greeted him nervously, a sure sign that the conversation had been about him and Athena.
"Sheba. Apollo. I hope I'm not interrupting?"
"Not at all," Sheba replied as Apollo eyed the new arrival. "Join us."
"Actually I was hoping for a micron alone with Apollo, if you don't mind?"
"Uh, not at all. I'll go find Bojay. We've been missing each other lately." Sheba. stood and kissed Apollo's cheek. "See you at dinner?" Apollo nodded, his gaze never leaving Starbuck's. "You too, Starbuck?"
"Uh, yeah. Athena says Boxey has a new card trick to show me."
"K. See you in a bit."
Starbuck waited several microns after Sheba's departure for Apollo to speak. "He's not going to make this easy," the captain thought.
"That seems to be going well." Starbuck said, indicating Sheba's departing form.
Apollo nodded again, apparently unwilling to speak. Starbuck just shook his head. "You're not going to say a word to me unless you have to, are you?"
"What exactly would you like me to say, Starbuck?"
"Hi. How have you been? What's new? Anything. We haven't exactly talked a lot lately."
"No, but then again you've been a bit busy what with abandoning your daughter's mother and trying to seduce my sister." Apollo's voice carried and edge that Starbuck had never heard.
"Just who do you think you are, Major." Starbuck practically spat the words at Apollo. "For your information, I did not abandon Cassiopeia. Our break up was a mutual decision. As for the remark about your sister, she deserves a lot more credit than you've given her. She's worked hard to get up to speed in the vipers. Any other pilot would have at least five recons under her belt by now. You can't get past your petty jealousy and superiority complex long enough to give her a chance."
"Jealousy? What exactly am I supposed to be jealous of?" Apollo look of bewilderment and sarcastic tone was lost on Starbuck.
"Look, I know I've spent a lot of time with her, but I wanted to help her get back in the grove. She wants this so badly. I felt I owed it to her."
"Oh you owe her a lot more than that, Captain." Apollo was not buying Starbuck's altruistic claims. "As for what she wants, that's never bothered you before."
"Why you son of a daggit,' Starbuck shouted as he stood menacingly over Apollo. "How dare you!"
Oblivious to the stares around them, Apollo got to his feet as well. "You don't wear righteous indignation well, Starbuck. Remember, its me you're talking to. I know what you did to Athena and I know what you've done to Cassie. "
"What is that supposed to mean?" Starbuck's voice continued to grow louder as an angry red flush colored his features.
"You know, I warned Athena more than once about you. You'd think she'd have learned her lesson either from what happened before or from watching Cassie, but you're good at making her forget everything she knows is right. She plays with fire when you're around. Just like Zac and look where it got him." The moment the words were out of Apollo's mouth, he wanted them back but they hung the hung in the air like serpents.
Hurt to the core, Starbuck struck back. "I can't believe you just said that! At least I appreciate Athena for everything she is. I'm not the one using her as a buffer so I don't have to face my son!"
Equally hurt and angry, Apollo lost all capacity for rational thought. "No, you're the one using her to forget your last fling. Do me a favor, okay? Even if she is needy and pathetic enough to sleep with you, don't get her pregnant like you did Cassie. One fatherless child is enough around here."
The words were barely out of Apollo's mouth before Starbuck's fist connected with his jaw. Apollo found himself on the floor with Starbuck of top of him. As they grappled with each other, both men landed several hard blows before other warriors pulled them a part.
"Stop it both of you!" Sheba screamed. Bojay held Apollo while Boomer pinned Starbuck's arms.
"What in the name of Kobol is going on?" The dark skinned warrior demanded.
Starbuck shrugged his way out of Boomer's hold and pointed at Apollo. "This isn't over, Major! Don't ever talk about your sister or my daughter that way again! Friend or nor I will mop the floor with your face!"
Starbuck turned and stalked out of the room leaving a stunned silence behind him.
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A centon later, Athena approached her brother's compartment. While it had not taken long for news of the fight to reach her, it had taken quite a bit more time for her to get the full story from Boomer. The blind fury that had filled her when she heard about her brother's insults towards both her and Starbuck had cooled to a white-hot anger. While her first thought had been to see Starbuck, she had decided to confront his tormentor first. Beneath her anger, there was also guilt that her dreams and desires had so fractured her brother's friendship with Starbuck.
Athena pushed the buzzer outside Apollo's chamber. A muffled "Come in" greeted her and she pushed the door release.
Apollo sat at the room's small table, a pack of ice on his jaw and dried blood over one eye. Athena looked around questioningly. "Is Boxey here?" What she had to say to her brother she did not want her nephew to hear.
Apollo shook his head slowly and painfully. "He's over at Cassie's playing with Dalton. I figured either you or Father would show up and he does not need to be in the middle of this."
"Neither does Father, though I am sure IFB will be happy to inform him that his son called his daughter a needy and pathetic slut in front of dozens of people."
"Thee …"
"Save it Apollo! How dare you? Who do you think you are? If you have a problem with me or my ability to be a warrior, let's deal with it professionally! How dare you attack Starbuck and Dalton? How dare you question my integrity? I may not be perfect Apollo, but I don't deserve that!"
"I'm sorry I dragged you into it, Athena. This is between me and Starbuck!"
"Oh no its not big brother! From the moment I became Starbuck's wing mate you've been openly hostile towards him! That makes it about me!"
"Its not you Athena. I just don't want to sit back and see you get hurt. You deserve better than …."
"Better than what? Better than a friend who is always there for me? Better than someone who has spent centons helping me attain goals I'd only dreamed about? Better than a gentleman who has not so much as hugged me since we became wing mates? Better than someone who I trust with my life?"
"You should know better than to trust him. Look where it's gotten you. Look where its gotten Cassie and . . ." Apollo's voice trailed off.
"And who? You? Zac?" Apollo paled visibly. "Oh I heard what you said to Starbuck about Zac. How could you? You know he blames himself! Why would you hurt him that way?"
"He should blame himself!" Apollo yelled. "Zac took his patrol. He's gotten away without paying for that for a long time."
"Without paying for it?" Athena was incredulous. "He's paid more than you will ever know. Just because he doesn't mope around and brood doesn't mean he has no guilt. Unlike some people, Starbuck lives with his guilt. He doesn't hide behind it and neglect the people that love him!"
"What is that supposed to mean?"
"Oh come off it Apollo! You wear your grief for Zac and Serina like armor. You even hide from your own son!"
"At least I don't act like nothing happened! Like I have no responsibility."
"No. You act like it's a forbidden topic. You make sure our wounds stay raw so that we suffer with you instead of healing."
"Heal or forget Athena? Which is it?"
"I'll never forget them Apollo. You know that, but we can't grieve forever. We have to move on. We have to live or they died for nothing."
"Does living include risking your life in a viper?"
"Living includes doing what I love and loving who I want!"
"Even if doing what you love is dangerous and the man you love helped kill your brother?"
Appalled, Athena stared at her brother as if she'd never seen him before. Without thinking, she spewed back at him. "Starbuck is not the one who left Zac to die, Apollo!"
Stricken, Apollo could only gape at his sister. Unable to stand being with him another micron, Athena turned and fled from the compartment with tears running down her face.
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Athena never knew how long she sat curled in a ball on the floor of her compartment, crying uncontrollably. She never heard the insistent buzzes at her door or the door opening. She never realized that she wasn't alone until she felt strong arms around her and looked into Starbuck's battered face.
Unable to stop herself, Athena wrapped her arms around him and sank into his embrace. Starbuck held her for over a centon, stroking her hair, rubbing her back and letting her cry without saying a word. When here tears finally stopped, she looked at him as if she were surprised to see him..
"How did you know where I was?"
"Sheba saw you leave Apollo's. She told me you were crying and I figured you would come here."
"Thank you for being here, " she said., trying to disengage herself from his hold.
"No," he said. ""I've waited too long to do this again to let you go just yet."
She settled back into his arms, realizing that this was the first time they had even touched since she became his wing mate. "Was Sheba going to Apollo?"
Startled, Starbuck nodded. "I think so. Why?"
"He shouldn't be alone."
"He should have thought about that before he started alienating everybody."
"I'm sorry you got caught up in this."
Starbuck smiled ruefully. "I was just about to say the same thing to you. I think it's more about me than you."
"I'm not sure it's about either of us. I think Apollo has suppressed his pain and grief for so long that it's erupting uncontrollably and he's striking out at everyone. The more distance he puts between him and us the less likely it is that he will be hurt."
"How did you get to be so wise?" Starbuck wondered, gazing at Athena as if seeing her again for the first time.
"You can't go through what all of us have been through and not gain a little wisdom. Even you've gotten smarter." Athena smiled at Starbuck.
Starbuck stared at Athena for a long moment, his hand reaching out to trace the line of her jaw. "Smart enough to know what I want and patient enough to wait for it."
Startled and pleased, Athena smiled again. "What if I said you didn't have to wait," she replied, her hand lightly rubbing the back of Starbuck's neck.
"Thee . . . " Starbuck grabbed both of her hands in his. "You don't have to do this. I'll wait. There's so much we have to talk about. Zac. Cassie. The mistakes I made. I want to do this right. I don't want to lose you again."
"We both made mistakes Starbuck. You're right, We have to talk about all of it, but right now, here, all I want is to show you how much I love you. All I need is to feel safe and no one has ever made me feel as safe as you do."
"I've never felt safer with anyone either."
Athena pulled her hands away from Starbuck's and placed them on either side of his head. Pulling his face towards her, she kissed him deeply.
Starbuck pulled back, searching her face. "Are you sure?"
Unable to speak, Athena nodded. Starbuck pulled her to him and kissed her passionately, his tongue exploring her mouth. Athena's hands traveled across Starbuck's chest and began to undo the hidden fastenings of his uniform.
She removed his shirt and ran her hands across the expanse of his chest. Releasing her mouth, Starbuck sighed. "Not here. I will not make love to you for the first time on the floor." Standing, he pulled her to her feet and kissed her again, pressing her body into his so that she had no doubt how much he wanted her.
As his mouth explored hers, he led her into the bedroom, discarding clothing as they went. By the time they reached her bed, only the pressure suits beneath their uniforms remained. Starbuck undid the fastenings on Athena's suit, then laid her back against the pillows as he peeled it off of her. She tried to remove his suit, but he stopped her. "Wait. Let me look at you."
Athena blushed as Starbuck drank in the creamy whiteness of her skin, the fullness of her breasts, the flat plane of her stomach, her slender legs, and the dark center of her desire that she instinctively arched towards him. Starbuck moved forward, his lips seeking her sweet flesh. He trailed kisses down he neck and between her breasts, stopping to caress each nipple first with his hands and then with his mouth. Athena moaned as he trailed a line of kisses down her belly, stopping just above her mound.
She reached up to pull him towards her, but he grabbed her hands. "Let me pleasure you. I want this to be about you." Starbuck returned to lovingly kissing her flesh and Athena moaned again, unable to protest.
She arched her back, lifting her mound towards him. Starbuck knew what she wanted, but prolonging both her pleasure and her desire seemed preferable.
Slowly he traced a line from her navel to her mound. Lightly his finger stroked her pubic hair, parting it just slightly. Her breathing increases as he slipped one finger through her outer lips and gently touched her clit.
A moan escaped her as he inserted another finger and began to stroke the sensitive nub. As Athena pressed herself against his hand, he felt the wetness flowing from her.
"Please" she moaned. "Please." Unable to resist her pleas, Starbuck slipped both fingers inside her vagina and began to work them slowly back and forth.
"Gods, Starbuck, " Athena moaned.
"Tell me what you want, Thee. Tell me what to do to you."
"Taste me Starbuck. I want your mouth on me."
Sighing deeply, Starbuck pressed his face between her legs. He used his tongue to open her even further as his fingers continued to work in and out. Delving further into her mound, he took her clit into his mouth and began to suck. A scream escaped Athena's lips as he increased the pressure and the speed of both his mouth and his fingers.
"Oh Gods Starbuck, " Athena screamed. "Make me come. Pleas make me come"
Starbuck's mouth and fingers continued to work her. As her cries became louder, he added his tongue and alternated between licking and sucking her clit. He felt her hips moving in rhythm with his ministrations. As the pace of her gyrations increased, he knew she was close.
Suddenly her whole body began to buck and spasm and a long cry emanated from her lips. He felt the power of her orgasm radiate through her He stopped sucking and fingering her long enough to let it abate before taking her over the edge again. After she came a second time, she lay exhausted beneath him.
Starbuck slid up Athena's sweat soaked body. He kissed her and she could taste herself on his lips, an experience she found wildly erotic. Unable to hold back, Athena began to undo the remaining fastenings of Starbuck's pressure suit. Soon, he loomed naked over her, his heavily engorged cock pressed against her thigh.
Smiling, Athena encircled him with her hand and began to work him. She started to slide down his body to take him in her mouth. "No, " he said. " I'm too close. I want you too badly. I want to come inside you."
Athena looked at him and nodded, too moved to speak. Placing her hands on his chest, she pushed him back down on the bed.
Placing a knee on either side of his hips, she straddled him, her mound hovering just above his cock. Slowly she lowered herself onto him, He moaned as he felt himself sheathed in her tight, quivering muscles. She began to ride him and small moans escaped his lips. He allowed her to set the pace as her body dipped and swayed above him. H placed his hands on her hips and urged himself deeper into her. He felt consumed by her and the desire to totally fill and posses her. Suddenly, he flipped her on her back and began to thrust deeply in and out of her.
Athena wrapped her legs around his waist and pulled him closer so that his thrusts were shorter and faster. She felt as if her were filling her entire body. Unable to old back, Athena felt herself begin to orgasm around him. The contractions of her muscles sent him over the edge. With a shuddering, cry and one final thrust he came inside her, flowing into her and capturing her mouth with his own.
For a long time they both lay still, unable to speak or move. Starbuck lay on top of Athena, unwilling to break the spell of their contact. The intensity of the physical experience was one thing, but the emotions that went with it meant so much more. Gently Starbuck shifted his weight off of Athena and wrapped his arms around her. Neither one of them spoke as he gently caressed and held her until they both drifted off to sleep.