Rated: NC17 for adult themes, sexual situations and violence

Classification: A, R, Slash

Summary: Post Hand of God, Athena finds a way to fill the empty places in her life and discovers more love and fulfillment than she could have ever imagined.

Disclaimers: This is a fiction story based on the series Battlestar Galactica and its characters created and owned by Glen A. Larson. This story is not being sold for profit and no infringement of any copyright rights are intended. All unrecognized characters and plot lines are mine and any resemblance to any person living or dead is purely coincidental.

"Act of Faith" is written by Rick Springfield and copyrights belong to various ASCAP artists.

© 1999-2000 Athena13

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I know how much you miss him celebrate what you had.
don't cry about the things left unsaid,
it'll do no good.
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Chapter 1 - Moving On
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Galactica Officers Club

Bridge officer Lieutenant Athena stood stock still amidst the animated crowd gathered in the lone battlestar's Officer's Club celebrating their long overdue successful offensive against the hated Cylons. Two battlestars had been taken out and the human traitor Baltar had assisted in their destruction! It was the proverbial shot in the arm that the Fleet needed, especially the warriors who had spent way too long running from battle. Athena was the daughter of the ship's commander, sister of one of the hero who infiltrated the Cylon basestar, descended from a long line of Colonial warriors and was herself a warrior, she understood just what this victory meant and her elation as the baseships exploded and her brother and his wingmate returned from the stealth mission was probably more powerful than most others in the Fleet. Just a few centars later, however, the elation had mellowed leaving a vacuum in its place, an empty space into which a sudden flame of clarity had flared, a clarity of a realization that left her literally breathless.

Anyone who cared to look closely at this moment might see the ambrosa in the cup she was holding sloshing around the glass, but only Athena knew that the motion was not caused by the jostling crowd around her but by the physical reaction she was having to her unexpected and unwanted knowledge. Anyone who looked closely would also see her concentration focused on a spot a few meters in front of her with a concentration that made the bright blues almost blaze in the relatively dim room. If they followed her gaze they would see the beautiful blonde Med Tech, Cassiopeia, standing within the enthusiastic and tender embrace of one infamous Lieutenant Starbuck.

If they looked as long and as hard as Athena was they too would observe that, despite the crowd milling around them, the pair was lost in a world all their own as they gazed into each other's eyes. This observer might also deduce the cause of Athena's agitation, if they knew the history or just heard the rumors, was Cassi and Starbuck.

"Oh Lord," Athena's pained whisper was lost in the noise of the crowd.

"How, how after all this time can this bother me?" she asked herself silently.

With that pained thought Athena broke her seemingly endless study, which was actually had only been a centon long, and quickly made her way through the crowd. Leaving her cup on a table she passed along the way she left the warm liveliness of the social club and into the eerily silent and empty corridor.

Once she realized she was free, she turned her steady strides towards the one place she knew she could actually be alone on the crowded battlestar.

A few short centons later found her making her obviously experienced way into the deserted Launch Bay Delta. The crews, who themselves were now celebrating the successful offensive against the baseships, had already moved the vipers of the Blue Squadron into position in front of the launch tubes.

To Athena's stricken mind the majestic sight seemed almost like a sad memorial to all that her society had lost. And more immediately, to all that she had lost.

Hoping, for more than the larger picture reasons, that there would be no more red alerts that cycle Athena moved through the semi-dark bay. With the love nurtured over a lifetime she ran her hands down the sleek sides of the war machines lined up for battle. Moving from one ship to another she traced her fingers over the names painted on the sides of ships. As she did memories of each pilot flashed through her mind as if the ship itself was communicating the essence of the man or woman with which it became one as it went into battle.

Once upon a time Athena had wanted, more than anything or anyone, to be one of those pilots who communed with her ship and blasted off into space to defend home. Then one fateful, horrible day, not too long into her military career that she learned first hand that spirit and good piloting skills were not enough and on that day she lost her mother, her brother, her lover and the rest of her world. From that day on her own passion had begun to wane until she had to admit that the desire to be a viper pilot had all but disappeared. She didn't know whether it was listening to her brother's painful death or the realization that there were other worthwhile tasks to be done in making and saving a civilization. Or perhaps it was bearing witness to that event that led to the realization? She wasn't certain what came first, all she knew was the innocent and, she had to admit, immature girl she had once been had disappeared as well.

With a weary sigh Athena mentally and physically moved away from her sapient musings and towards the more base musing that had brought her fleeing from the celebration. With an obviously practiced step she made her way halfway down a launch tube and sat down amongst the shadows and steam pipes, she couldn't help but notice with a bitter irony.

Looking around the cylindrical, shadowed space she could almost understand her fellow warrior's preoccupation with the launch tubes as a place for forbidden, romantic rendezvous. As a bridge officer, and a woman, she knew that Starbuck's aborted attempt had inspired many others on the battlestar to make similar use of the oft-idle space. But it was still almost, with a capital "A." While she appreciated the place to be alone with her thoughts, she was still repelled by the idea of experiencing something so special and private in such a location.

"But Starbuck finds it titillating, that's why he prefers Cassi over me," Athena said into the empty space, wincing when her voice echoed down the tube. She dropped her chin down to her chest and let out a long exhale. Though sectars had passed since she and Starbuck had terminated the romantic aspects of their relationship, Athena had finally realized that she hadn't gotten over him, she had only pretended. But she was not able, at this centon, to fool even herself and the hope that he would "come to his senses" and return to her arms was seeping out of her battered heart.

While she felt silly, Athena didn't place the entire fault for her obviously useless hope. Starbuck had never sustained a long-term, monogamous relationship and while his relationship with the Med Tech was almost a yahren old now, it had only recently become monogamous. His longest relationships, in fact, were actually the friendship and kinships with her family and their mutual friends. So in fact, his longest, most stable relationship with a woman had been and continued to be with herself. But clearly the romantic aspect had passed and she had to learn to accept that.

"It doesn't matter why anymore!" she said aloud to reinforce the statement.

The lengthy bond they had shared that had been developing into a mutual, loving and passionate romance had been violently cut short by the destruction and the despair that followed.

Cassiopeia had stepped into that breach. Maybe it was coincidental timing? Maybe it was that she really was more suited for the man he was and had become?

It, Athena realized, didn't matter. She couldn't spend the rest of her life trying to figure it out. She needed to find her own path. She needed to move on.

But just as she found no erotic pleasure in rendezvous in dark, dirty launch tubes made of cold metals heated by steam, neither could she separate her deep abiding love for Starbuck from her familial affection and friendship for him. It just wasn't in her nature. She had to completely separate herself from him and then build up an acceptable level of feelings for him from scratch. Seeing him everyday, having him attend every family celebration and every casual gathering of their mutual friends day in and day out would make that impossible. Had, in fact, made that impossible. She couldn't very well ask him to give up his family and friends for her, he was a man without a genetic family of his own. Her family and their friends were his family. Without that daily bond, she knew, he would be bereft. She was, therefore, the one who would have to physically and emotionally remove herself from the scene in order to heal.

But this wasn't the Colonies. She couldn't take a holiday and visit another planet, take a temporary assignment to another ship or simply busy herself in her own life. They were stuck together for the foreseeable future on this suddenly too small metal community. Recently, they had even begun to repair their damaged friendship and had been known to meet each other away from everyone else for some java and conversation, a swim in the natatorium or a game or two of Pyramid in the Rejuvenation Center. She thought, mistakenly, that they were merely resuming the friendship that had preceded their romantic involvement. Now she could see she cherished the time a little too much.

"He probably had no idea how much I looked forward to seeing him all by myself, how much I treasured the closeness we shared during those fleeting centars. I didn't," Athena ran a hand over her tense brow, her moist eyes were shimmering in the reflected light of the stars.

Knowing what she had to do made her feel marginally better. Now she needed to figure out how to do it. What could she devote an inordinate amount of time to without it being obvious she was avoiding spending time with Starbuck? As much as she hated having to be away from her family, in a way it was almost a relief to contemplate some time away from people who knew her so well and would be able to tell she was licking her wounds. So what could she do?

As fulfilling as she found her bridge duties, she didn't think it would be a believable alibi and might even be counter-productive to her effectiveness. Besides, she and Starbuck sometimes chatted on a private channel while he was out on patrols and Apollo was on sleep period. Teaching only took up so much time. It had to be something away from the Galactica.

Suddenly Athena's furrowed brown smoothed and a smile lit up her face.

Only a sectar ago an appeal had been made over the Inter-Fleet Broadcasting channel for volunteers to spend time with the children on the Orphan Ship. At the time she had been heavily involved in a special defense communications project, but she had promised that as soon as she had the time she would make a special effort to volunteer. In the turmoil of the past secton it had completely slipped her mind, but it was perfect! Everyone knew how much she liked children and she was a teacher on the Galactica. No one would question why she volunteering!

In her excitement Athena almost forgot the reasons behind her resolve. Almost.

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Her smile back in its place Athena hurried back to the celebration. Despite the late centar Athena hadn't had to leave a message for the Orphan Programme Administrator, she had actually spoken to him face to face, well, vid-to-vid.

If she hadn't already felt markedly better, Caphis's, that was his name, friendly brown eyes would have cheered her instantly. Even in the short centars they had spoken Athena could see him having a calming and warm effect on children. Adult women apparently felt the same way, Athena admitted with an inner chuckle.

"Athena!" Dietra called out to her as she made her way through the crowd to the table where her friends were holding court.

"Where in the worlds have you been? Never mind, grab a cup and get over here!" Dietra demanded.

"Yes, Ma'am," Athena smiled and dutifully picked up a fresh cup of grog and made her way to Dietra's side. Sitting with her pretty, brown-skinned friend were their other friends including Rigel, Omega, Apollo, Sheba and Boomer. Starbuck and Cassiopeia were also there.

"You look like you've just won the lottery," Brie observed of the unusually bright smile on her friend's face. "Don't tell me you managed to meet a guy in this crowd."

"Of course she did," Omega said.

"So give us the scoop, or is he nearby?" Rigel continued the teasing.

"She can't say in front of her brother," Greenbean slung his arm over her shoulder. "Besides, it would break my heart."

"I would never break your heart Greenie," Athena dead panned.

"Good," Greenbean squeezed her up next to him and grinned.

"Stop manhandling my sister Greenbean," Apollo mock-ordered his warrior.

"Don't be so bossy Brother," Athena stuck her tongue out at her brother before laughing and taking a sip of her drink.

"You tell him, Woman," Greenbean encouraged her.

Through the teasing, Athena was careful to keep her gaze away from Starbuck and Cassiopeia, but her excitement slipped a notch as it began to sink in how hard it was going to be to avoid these dear, dear people. Careful not to let her thoughts show on her face, she let the conversation flow around her. She was concentrating so hard, however, on keeping her smile up she missed it when Boomer spoke to her.

"I'm sorry, what did you say Boomer?" she turned to the warrior.

"She must have met a guy, she's day dreaming," Brie observed.

"I asked if you were going to join us on the Rising Star this time next sectar for a little fun, assuming we don't meet up with anymore Cylons," Boomer repeated the question.

"Actually, I can't. I have other plans," Athena flushed as she realized it would sound as she was confirming her friend's suspicions. By not denying it she felt like a liar. What was worse, she really would have liked to go with her friends to the Rising Star for some fun, but she was also sure Starbuck and Cassiopeia would also be there and she wouldn't be over this in a sectar.

'I guess it was fortuitous I made other plans already,' she told herself in ironic resignation.

"A date?" Brie asked, arching an eyebrow.

"Well, it's not with me, I'm hurt," Greenbean gave her a mock sad look and removed his arm from her shoulder.

"No, not a date. I just made another commitment," Athena admitted, but still didn't disclose her plans. Athena caught her brother's speculative look and looked away. "So what big plans do you guys have on the Star?" she changed the subject.

"The usual, gaming, food and shows," Sheba answered, a look matching Apollo's on her face.

Athena grinned at the pair they made, but her jaw dropped when she saw Sheba slip a hand over Apollo's and stopped him from pressing his sister for a reason she wasn't joining them. Athena looked at Sheba questioningly, hoping that what she had just witnessed was evidence of a new intimacy between the two hard-headed warriors.

Sheba nodded and excused herself and led Athena away from their friends.

"Looks like you've succeeded with my brother," Athena asked hopefully.

Sheba's answering smile provided all the answer that was necessary. "Progress has been made, although success is not assured," Sheba's answer reflected her tactical way of thinking.

Athena smiled at the turn of phrase and with the certainty that things were finally going to work out for her brother and her friend. With the amount of attraction and empathy the two had shared since the micron they met Athena didn't see how it couldn't.

"So what are your other plans? I won't tell Apollo if you don't want me to," Sheba was reaffirming her loyalty to her friend despite her new intimate relationship with Athena's brother.

"Thanks, it's not a big secret or anything. I just don't want to talk about it widely yet. I'm going to the Orphan Ship to see what I can do to help out, I don't want to make plans until I set up a schedule there," Athena confided.

"Really? That's a great idea, you love kids and they love you. So what motivated this, not that it's not a worthy activity?" " Sheba still seemed surprised by the idea despite her initial words.

"I'd really rather not discuss my reasons here," Athena said as quietly as she could and still be heard in the noisy room.

"Oh," Sheba said with a wealth of understanding in her words and her eyes.

Athena flushed slightly and looked away.

"Hey, it's all right," Sheba put her hand on Athena's arm.

Athena shook her head, rejecting sympathy. That was the last thing she needed. "It's an important thing to do, these kids have no one. I have no one. So why can't we be someone to each other," Athena said with a slight shrug.

"That's a start," Sheba pulled her hand away. "Do you want to come back to the party?"

Athena took a deep breath. If she left now it would only stimulate more questions and she did want to celebrate the momentous victory and the safe return of her loved ones. "Yeah, let's party!" she simulated a dance at her friend.

"Come on," Sheba laughed at Athena's antics and put her arm around her shoulders as they headed back to the table.

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"What's up with your sister?" Starbuck leaned back against Cassiopeia's arm.

"I have no idea?" Apollo was watching Sheba and Athena talking. "Maybe she does have a hot date and doesn't want us to spoil it by embarrassing her?

"If she does and it's someone on this ship we'll hear about before the night is over," Cassiopeia reminded them that secrets were hard to keep on the military ship.

"That's true," Starbuck snorted. "Well, I hope she does have a hot date."

"You do?" Cassiopeia murmured in his ear.

"Yes, I do," Starbuck put his arm around her shoulders and planted a kiss on her cheek. "I'm a generous guy, everyone should have someone."

"Just someone?" Cassiopeia asked him, still whispering in his ear.

"Someone special," Starbuck clarified with a smoldering leer.

"Okay, you guys are making me slightly ill," Boomer shook his head, a smile touching his lips. "Anyone for a refill?" he asked the rest of the table. After a few confirmations, Boomer headed for the liquibar to order another round.

"Everything okay?" Apollo asked Sheba as she resumed her seat.

"Everything's fine," Sheba assured him before changing the subject. "Where did Boomer go?"

"We were making him ill and he needed another drink," Starbuck said around the fumarello between his lips.

"If you light that in this crowd I'm assigning you deep space probe," Apollo warned his wingmate.

"I'm already assigned deep space probe, that's no threat," Starbuck reminded him. "Think of something better."

"Bet I could," Cassiopeia said smugly, looking at her boyfriend with a threat in her eyes.

"Okay, that works," Starbuck pulled the weed rod out of his mouth and slipped it back into the inside pocket of his jacket.

Everyone laughed at his quick compliance. The infamous Starbuck was, well, whipped.

"Take my seat Athena," Boomer returned and put his load down on the table.

"You sure?" Athena asked.

"Please, I sit for a living," he pointed out.

"So do I!" Athena reminded him. "I think a seat is probably the last thing I need."

"So we're at a stand off over a seat," Boomer chuckled. "Well, I'm still not sitting down," he crossed his arms.

"Well, I'm not either so I guess it is a stand off," Athena smirked at the other warrior. "So why don't we offer the seat to someone else and go play a game of scurry?"

"That sounds like an amiable solution. Bet I can beat your pants off!" Boomer grabbed a cup of grog off the table and waved Athena towards the game corner of the Club.

"In your dreams," Athena scoffed at him.

"Who told you that?" Boomer asked her as if he was affronted at having his privacy invaded and embarrassed at what had been discovered.

Athena laughed and headed for the game.

"That would be an interesting couple," Brie commented as they walked away.

"Would you stop being such a matchmaker?" Omega shook his head at Brie's characteristic preoccupation with romance.

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"So what are those hot plans?" Boomer asked Athena after he finished beating her at a game of scurry.

"Nothing so 'hot'," she insisted. "I just have something I want to do." At Boomer's look she sighed. "I'm going to the Orphan Ship tomorrow to see about volunteering to spend time with the children. Any free time I'll probably be spending there for a while."

"What's so secret about that?" he asked.

"It's not a secret, I just don't feel like explaining to everyone why I've decided to do this. Besides, we haven't figured out what I am going to be doing yet. The kids might not even like me,"

Athena shrugged as she pulled the scurries from the target.

"The kids will love you. I think it's a great thing to do, but I didn't think you had all that much spare time as it is between teaching and bridge duty. And taking care of Boxey," Boomer took his scurries from her outstretched hand.

"They need people to help out," Athena evaded his real question.

"So we'll be seeing less of you I guess," Boomer said casually as he aimed his scurry before releasing it at the target.

"Probably," Athena took her turn and was pleased to see she had come closer to the center.

"Lucky shot," Boomer told her as he took his place. "Avoiding anything or anyone in particular?" Boomer hit the center of the target. Literally and figuratively.

Athena didn't answer as she took her turn and also hit the center of the target board. "What's with all the questions? Can't a girl do a good deed?"

"Of course she can and _she_ usually does. I'm just being a concerned friend," Boomer moved close to her side. "You still love him," he said quietly into her ear.

"Am I really that obvious?" Athena sighed.

"No, I just know you well," Boomer held her arm. "It can't be easy to have them at your family table every secton."

"Lords, you remind me of Zac so much sometimes it's scary. I know everyone thinks he was like Starbuck, but he was much more sensitive and kind," Athena rested her head against Boomer's shoulder for a few microns as she thought of her brother. "He also read my mind," Athena lifted her head and grinned at her friend. "So beat that shot!" she pointed at the board.

"No problem, I am a precision shooter," Boomer cleared his throat and took aim as Athena backed away. "So are you meeting with Caphis?"

"You know Caphis?" Athena took her place at the line.

"We grew up together. We weren't great pals or anything, I was a bit wilder than he was, but we lived close to each other and went to school together. Our parents were friends," Boomer explained. "I've spoken to him about volunteering myself, though I have to admit I haven't made the time. I'll have to come along with you sometime."

"Wish I hadn't missed the wild Boomer yahrens," Athena chuckled. "When you told me you used to hot wire hovermobiles, I probably would have passed out if I had the time."

"All part of the Boomer mystery that drives women wild," Boomer winked.

"Definitely like Zac," Athena took her shot and made it close to the center.

Boomer chuckled as he prepared for his last turn of the game. The score was tied and this was the make or break shot for him. He eyed the target carefully and threw.

"I win!" Athena crowed as Boomer's scurry fell into the second ring of the board.

"I was distracted," Boomer grumbled good-naturedly.

"Uh huh," Athena took a sip of her drink. "Another game?"

"Let's leave this at a tie for now and do something else," Boomer shook his head.

"Good, I think one more of these and I won't have any aim left," Athena motioned with her almost empty cup.

"Give me a break Athena, you probably haven't even had a full one yet. Let's get you a refill, unless you're becoming a lightweight," he tilted his head questioningly.

"Nice throw," she remarked, referring to his throwing out of the challenge. "Bring it on boy!"

"You're way too easy Athena," Boomer shook his head as they headed to the bar.

"Again, in your dreams," Athena laughed.

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"Please tell me she's not going to date all my friends. You don't think her plans are with Boomer do you?" Apollo grumbled as he caught sight of Boomer and Athena ordering nips at the bar. While he usually didn't take stock in Brie's imagination, Boomer and Athena were close. Even closer in some ways than she had ever been with Starbuck.

"Leave your sister alone. You're dating one of her friends," Sheba looked at their entwined fingers with a shy smile.

"True," Apollo squeezed her hand. "But I bet she doesn't want to beat the crap out of you for dating me."

"No, that's true, she offered me a medal," Sheba chuckled.

"See, I told you he wanted to kill me when I started dating Athena," Starbuck had overheard their conversation. "Sheba and Cass didn't believe me."

"Believe me, I came really close. Zac saved his skin one such time," Apollo tried to glare angrily at his friend, but a smile of reminiscence touched his lips.

"Zac saved someone's skin buddy and it wasn't mine! Athena would have killed you if you so much touched a hair on my precious head," Starbuck said smugly.

"Oh brother," Apollo rolled his eyes.

"So tell us the story," Greenbean prodded.

Always the showman, Starbuck stepped up to the fore and began his story with a rubbing of his hands in relish. "This was before you were on the Blue Beanie and Athena had only been on the G a few sectars. It was right after our, fourth or fifth date, I was in the Blue locker room and some of the warriors were ribbing me about making moves on the Commander's 'hot daughter' and Apollo overheard. He, mistakenly, thought I was bragging about putting the moves on his 'baby sister' and came at me. Zac came around the corner and interrupted his bullish brother's charge. It was kind of cute to see the brothers arguing about their sister's honor," Starbuck smiled wistfully at the memory.

"Which was seriously threatened dating you," Apollo grimaced at the memory.

"Athena is more stubborn than I am persistent," Starbuck chuckled. "And more than capable of defending herself."

"Way more information than I want," Apollo made a face as if he had tasted something sour. "Change the subject before I do dive over this table and throttle you."

"Just not the face, but I am dating a Med Tech so I get great care," Starbuck threw his hands up defensively.

"Any excuse to play Med Tech-Patient," Apollo rolled his eyes.

"A guy can't get a break at this table. I think it's time for me to try and gracefully exit this party. Do I have any, uh, volunteers to join me?" Starbuck queried as he stood up.

Cassi took his proffered hand and stood. "Good night all," she waved at their friends and she and Starbuck made their way out of the Club.

"He's incorrigible," Apollo commented.

"But endearing to some I'm sure," Sheba laughed at Apollo's sour expression. "So it really bothered you when they were dating?"

"I wanted to kill him. You know how he is with women, or was," he amended. "I knew he was going to hurt her, she doesn't play in his league. I knew she'd expect a commitment, well, I thought she would at the time."

"She didn't?" Sheba was surprised to hear that herself.

"She wanted one, but she was pretty understanding about his other activities. She hinted around about commitment, but he never took her seriously. Then one cycle she just washed her hands of him. I suspect that she did ask for something more and he said no," Apollo shrugged.

"Actually," Sheba said slowly, feeling compelled to almost defend Starbuck's honor. She didn't know whether she should reveal what she knew. Athena had never said it was a secret, but might not have seen fit to tell her brother about it. Clearly, Starbuck had never mentioned it to his best friend.

"Actually, what?" Apollo asked.

"I don't know if I should say this since neither Starbuck or Athena have told you," Sheba realized there was no way she could avoid telling him now that she had started. Apollo's look confirmed her suspicion. She leaned closer so she wouldn't be overheard. "Starbuck proposed and she said no," she reluctantly disclosed.

Apollo sat back in his seat, shock clear on his features. "When?" he squeaked out.

"Right after the Destruction," she told him.

Apollo's mind was whirling. He had no idea. He couldn't believe Starbuck hadn't told him. He couldn't believe Athena hadn't mentioned it either. His brow furrowed as his mind tried to work out the implications. "They continued dating for a while after that," he thought out loud. Things didn't add up. If Starbuck proposed and Athena rejected him, why did they stay together at all? Why did Starbuck still pretend to bolt whenever the subject of sealing and commitment come up with Athena in room? Was it all for show? If what Sheba was telling him was true then it had to have been.

"Then he went to the launch tube with Cassi where Athena was sure to find him and then he brought her to every occasion that Athena was sure to be at." he wondered out loud. Had his friend been trying to hurt Athena purposefully and not just asking selfishly as Apollo had believed?

"On the rebound?" Sheba finished Apollo's train of thought. Not having been there herself, she had never examined the sequence of events closely or the feelings behind them before herself. "I wonder...," she started to say, but wasn't sure what she wondered.

"I never knew that. They never told me," Apollo said accusingly. He wondered, and wished he didn't have to, what else had gone on between his best friend and his sister that he didn't know about.

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